Hopscotch anyone?

Well, we've been through two court dates since I last wrote. Honestly, I can't believe just how worn out I am... you've seen wash rags(or worsh rags as my grandma would have said) that have just wiped down the floor and then been rinsed and wrung out more than they should? Well, that would be me. I know there's got to be some grand purpose behind this seemingly-senseless-never-ending-court-date-torture, and I also know I'll probably never see it and somehow I'm trying to learn how to be content with that. My grade so far? A "C+"...

One of my friends who just went through her second date today and was delayed until the beginning of July just lost it a little bit... She called the travel agent and bought two tickets for she and her husband to Ethiopia, where they're going to visit their little girl (she's about the same age as our youngest in Ethiopia) and then come back home before they go back to pick her up a few weeks later. They don't have any other kids yet, so they can be a little more spontaneous... I probably would have already done that if we didn't already have 3!

I can't look at our kids' pictures without having a hitch in my heart, a knot in my stomach and quite often, the tears that go with it... Last night at about 2:54 a.m.(oops, guess that would be morning - not that I looked at the clock or anything...) I woke up suddenly, realizing that court could very well be going on at that moment. I also realized that I was done for - there would be no more sleep for me, and so it was. As it became later in the morning and I kept my newly-grown appendage - my phone, of course - attached to my hand, where it belongs whenever I'm waiting for THE call, I got to revisit those feelings of knowing that my heart was going to pound it's way out of my chest. During those moments, I'm always so surprised to not find it lying on the floor flopping around... I know in my head that whatever the news, it will all be okay, but I can't seem to convince my body. I'm thinking that some kind of space-sleep gismo would sell like hotcakes to international adoptive parents - you know - the thing in sci-fi movies where you go to sleep and wake up a few years later (months would be my preference in this case, although I'd like the option of pulling it out again during our daughter's jr. high years - once was definitely enough as far as I'm concerned!). That would be a beautiful thing...

It will really sound like lying when I say that I'm still trusting God and His timing. I just have to figure out how to enjoy this part of the process...

So... the latest... the woman assigned to write the necessary recommendation for our case from MOWA - Ministry of Women's Affairs - turned out to be out on vacation and just returned a couple of days ago. That's why we weren't passing before... but that was before. Our date on June 5 was rescheduled for today, June 11, after our attorney pleaded with the court for an earlier date - they initially had given us a date of June 26. We're so blessed to have such a great attorney representing us in Ethiopia. Please keep him in your prayers - he's doing a great work there. Today (last night in Ethiopia) they discovered that MOWA had reviewed our paperwork and wanted additional information about the 2 siblings not being adopted with our two. I would imagine that the details would have been included in the dossier, so I'm not sure what they're wanting to know, but there it is...

There were a few other cases heard from our agency today at court and all of them were given new dates at the beginning of July. We got a new date of June 15. Hmmmmm... what is that all about?! I can't even try to get my hopes up. On one hand, how good it is to have an early date. On the other hand, do I really have to ride this torture coaster so soon to just get another date at the end of it. Has this become my life? Existing from one date to another... kind of like a hopscotch game that doesn't have an end and they never let you jump off no matter how horrid your balance is...

And every time the date approaches you can't help but hope and pray like mad, trying to make sure you're not forgetting anybody or anything, so it's not your fault that it didn't go. Silly, huh. And yet, I still go there...

How much does what we pray impact the outcome? Clearly, there's no formula or ratio you can plug in to figure this out. But I do know our prayers count and are offered up as incense before the throne of God (Revelation 8 describes a beautiful picture of this). We are given the privilege of participating with God in His best. Because we only see through a glass darkly - or see into the room through a distorted pinhole, to use a different analogy - we get discouraged when we don't see what's happening in the corner, just out of our view. This is where true faith and trust come in - knowing that our loving Father does see all the minutiae and trusting Him to lead us through each step, while we are seemingly blind. He asks us to pray, thereby participating in the outcome, without knowing the whys or the hows.

In my blindness, I imagine this is partly why we're going through this endless round of dates - our Father wants us to depend on Him to a greater degree, even when it doesn't make sense. Reading about it doesn't quite teach us like experiencing it does... In the end, there will be wonder and amazement as His glory is revealed. I have to believe that... I do believe that... it's what so much of my life is based upon. And I know that I know that I know, that it will all be worth it in the end - a day I'm truly looking forward to!

And now... off to watch Fireproof with TrueDad... we are blessed indeed as we breathe between hopscotch games...

Many blessings as we follow one step at a time,
True Mom

Just got off the phone this afternoon with my agency. If the department in Ethiopia doesn’t write the letter of recommendation the court is waiting on by tonight, then we have to ask for a new court date. If she does write it tonight, we should pass! Otherwise, it’ll be another 2-3 weeks for a new court date...She said the woman in Ethiopia is very, very busy, which is not really good news. To compound the issue even more, our attorney is representing five other cases tomorrow as well. One of my friends who has her court date tomorrow said that she's "assuming that she won't pass." None of us want the extreme disappointment that comes from not realizing your high expectation.

I know the struggle between "assuming you won't pass" so we're not let down and believing, in faith. At the same time, I think God kind of likes it when things are really difficult from a human perspective, because it allows Him to do things that only He can do. A great thing I heard last week in our pastor's message, "Avoid the temptation to bring God down to our level." I know that I do this sometimes without even realizing it. I just look at the circumstances, and if they're too hard, then I prepare myself for the letdown. I'm trying to handle this with, "Your best, God, but come on and make it happen!"

I'd like to share something that happened to us that is pretty relevant to the situation... Sorry, it's a little long...

9 years ago, Eric & I were flying to Australia for the Hillsong Conference on standby passes. For five days, they wouldn't let us on the flight, because they were taking fruit over (of all things) and the flight was too heavy for more passengers. (They got more money for fruit than standy passengers... Go figure. It was just before the 2000 Olympics and I guess the athletes had to have their apples - LOL!) Day after day, we hung out in San Francisco, questioning whether we had heard God wrong and He didn't want us to go to the conference after all. We had watched the rest of our team - 6 others that we were the leaders of - all get on the plane without us. It was one of the toughest and most growing experiences of my life.

We had a lot of conversations about whether God was really involved in it and whether our prayers made a difference - after all, we didn't feel that they had up til then. Finally on the fifth night, we decided that if we didn't make it on the plane we would not go (The first five days were our fun days and the conference started the next day. All our "fun" was spent in SF. Not that it's not a great place, but it's in our backyard and a far cry from Australia!) cuz God clearly didn't want us to. They were about to close the plane door with us still in the terminal and the attendant was telling me that we weren't going to make it on. Eric was down the hall in a phone booth praying like he's never prayed before. He told me that he prayed with a confidence that really, really believed that God would get us on that plane and almost "told God" (hope you all understand what I mean by that) what He needed to do. I liken it to telling the mountain to move...

All of a sudden, the ticket agent got a phone call from the pilot who told her that the weight was less than they expected and they could take 2 more passengers. They actually began to argue about it because the ticket agent's info said otherwise. After a couple of minutes of going back and forth, another ticket agent handed me our tickets and said, "Hurry up and get on that plane before they change their minds!" You can imagine the joy and how much in awe we were that we had just made it on that plane. It truly was against all odds.

I have absolutely no doubt that had we - and my husband in particular - not prayed as fervently and with as much confidence as we did, would never have made it on that plane. God changed the weight loads to get us on and we absolutely recognized that it was His work. We went to that conference with a different kind of faith than we had ever had before and God did an amazing work in our lives and the lives of so many others as a result. (There's so much we took back from that conference - it was life-changing and changed the way we lead worship...) If we hadn't gotten on that plane then, I would have had no doubt that God had a plan in us not going - there was nothing left to chance.

All that to say - I can't afford to assume I won't pass. I feel like I can't leave anything on the table... I've got to let it all go and give God the best of my faith. I think I've mentioned before that I felt God gave me the date of June 23rd as an embassy date 2-3 months ago. Tomorrow would be the last possible day to pass to even have a chance at that date. God works in mysterious ways and if we don't pass, that's really o.k., cuz I'll know He really means it either way... Hope that all makes sense :).

Expectantly Waiting on God for His Best!
TrueMom

BTW... we got to fly Business Class all the way to Australia!