Chosen?

I come from a long line of strong women. As in wills of iron. Too bad it doesn't extend to physical strength... Sissy has continued this proud tradition by testing the limits from an early age and making her will known in no uncertain terms. We've always joked about how the blood must run thick - this is a trait the men in our family tend to love and put up with depending on the minute (yes, we do reserve the right to change our minds and mood at any given moment!).

God must have decided that this tradition needed to continue and that it would be not just in the blood but in the heart as Peanut is living up to this female tradition. It's either that or my mom has prayed retaliation on my life in retribution for all I put her through... and God hears her prayers louder than mine...

Peanut knows her mind and isn't afraid to let it known to whoever is in close proximity. The problem is that she's so stinking cute during this proclamation. (In the picture of them in the stroller, that was my attempt at getting a pic with both of their sunglasses on - each time she managed to rip it off before the picture snapped - can you see the look of satisfaction on her face?) I just keep reminding myself that it won't be so cute in 10 years. But the little shaking of the head and the grin when she refuses to hand me the head phones that she's quietly destroying... more often than not we find ourselves turning out heads away so she doesn't blatantly see us laughing at her poor display of obedience. At the same time, there are so many times she immediately and admirably refrains from touching the object I've instructed her not to touch - she really is a good girl. But she does get that same impish look that my mom said I had when I was about to do something unmentionable. Why do I think we're in for it????

She loved helping me bake cookies - and she loooved stirring the dough. So much that she would throw a mild fit when I took away the spoon... as you can see, she discovered how to eat the dough and stir at the same time. Yes, she really likes dough.

Yesterday, Peanut started walking. Up until then, she insisted on walking everywhere, if you would hold her hand. And when I said "insisted," I don't use the word lightly... But, God forbid if you took your hand away - she refused to try on her own. Then, yesterday, she decided the time was right. She stood up on her own, after falling down 4 times before, stood there for a couple of seconds, smiling from ear-to-ear and then proceeded to take not one step, not two steps, but five steps, after which she fell and laughed and laughed, all at the same time. She was so proud of herself. When the rest of the family came home (I was the lucky one to witness the initial event :)) we all sat in large circle while she walked from person to person, taking at times 10-15 steps. I always knew it had to be her timing...


Every single one of the men in our family have a quiet strength (I like to think that mine has become quieter over the years...) and are very easy going. Little Bro is no exception. He is the sweetest and most easy going child. Through all the uncertainty and change he's experienced in his short life, I fully expected more acting out, grieving, you name it. Certainly not this, "Yay, I love life and being with every member of my family and where are we going next" response to life displayed on his smiling face continually! We have determined that Little Bro reminds us so much of C.J., who was the same way at his age.

So much for being worried about how they would fit in with the family... their personalities couldn't fit in better if I had prescribed them! We have never been a shy & quiet family, and that continues to be true - no pun intended... Not that I would have necessarily prescribed a strong-willed child, but there is a kind of satisfaction in having another girl with one. Sissy, at 17 is truly one of my closest friends - definitely not a given at this age. Although she felt it necessary to test the limits through early adolescence, she's figuring out who God has made her to be and what that looks like within His purpose for her life and she is truly discovering the good side of that strength. So although I know our road will be more trying at times with Peanut, I'm so excited to help my new daughter discover this as well. And this time, I have another layer of support with Sissy - what a help she is already.

Today, Little Bro said, "Mommy, bro, bread." This doesn't seem like much reading it, but if you could hear him say it, you wouldn't have heard him say, "Brrrro, brrrread," which is what he's always said. Sad to hear him shedding his rolling rrrrr's so quickly.

It's amazing how fast the kids are adjusting to their new lives & family. How thankful we are that God chose them particularly for our family and us for them. There were definitely chosen to be Trues :).

Officially a Family of 7!!!!!!!!

OK, I'm a terrible blogger. Horrible. Completely thoughtless. Maybe you'll forgive me after reading the last 3 months...

Here's what I began to write on July 3rd... Funny how life can change in a single instant. How circumstances that happen on the other side of the world create the first day of the rest of your life that will never be the same again. It's hard for me to believe that I was sleeping while it all went down... I woke up Thursday morning, July 2nd, completely oblivious to the missed calls on my cell phone. It had been a particularly lazy morning. Most nights in the last few days and weeks were filled with fitful sleep and continual prayers as I anxiously waited for our kids to officially become ours. Earlier in the week I had gotten the news that we were dependent on one person in Ethiopia who needed to write a letter that the Ministry of Women's Affairs was requiring for our case. This person was not very motivated to get things like this done and his track record supported his lack of motivation! It was a reality that it could be weeks and most likely, months before that letter would get done. Facing the impending court closures in August and September because of the rainy season, this meant if we didn't get a court date within the week, we probably wouldn't make it before they closed.

Tuesday that week, brought a high level of stress, faced with the recent news. Wednesday brought an amazing peace as I fasted again as I've been doing each week since we started this process. I've learned so much through this period of fasting - so much of it seems to be what God needs to do in me, versus what can be accomplished through our fervent prayers. Although, I must say, I've seen more miracles on Wednesdays than I ever have! What a privilege that God allows us to partner with Him as He accomplishes His purpose!

Going in to Wednesday night, I slept quite peacefully, content that God was doing what He needed to do. Back to Thursday...You have to realize that my phone and computer (w/ email attached :)) have been my constant companions for months now. Each day when I've thought there could be news, I've made sure they were a part of my body. I've probably managed to miss one call by my agency, and that's only because I didn't have service! At least, before Thursday...

So, the bottom line... I see that I missed two calls from my agency and frantically call my voicemail. As I'm listening to the two voicemails they left, I'm also looking at my email that had two messages from my agency, which read... "we just got information by email and phone that your cases passed court today.....I am a bit confused, but I will double ck and get back to you within the hour." The second one had a subject line which said, "It is true." By this time, I've listened to my two messages my case worker had left - the second one said, "You gotta call me. You're killing me here!" I know frantically call my agency and speak to my case worker, who tells me, "Yes, it really is true! And we had no idea it was even going to court today." The in-country representative who represented us in court wrote, "We have truly seen a miracle today in the case of the Trues passing court." Sissy, in her bedroom hears me yelling and jumping up and down and thinks I've probably lost it a bit. How could i be so excited about getting a new court date, which is what she thinks has happened. That soon changes to her freaking out as well, and then the rest of the family as they find out...

Here it is, 7 weeks after returning home with the newest Trues and I still am so overwhelmed with how blessed we are and with what amazing kids we have been entrusted with. Life will never be the same again... I must admit, it is definitely strange trying to get used to a new normal, but I can't imagine ever going back. The love I have for Little Bro and Peanut (their new blog names :)) is indescribable. The second day we had them in Ethiopia, I remember turning to TrueDad and saying, "I thought I wasn't supposed to love them this much already!" And now we wonder when, or if ever, the grieving they talk about the kids going through, will begin. It truly is amazing how well they both are adjusting. They seem so incredibly happy to have a family.

The first day we picked them up, they were waiting for us outside the orphanage. Little Bro had a huge smile on his face and a bouquet of flowers for us. He took TrueDad's hand from that moment on and claimed him for his own. I took Peanut, who then never wanted to let go of me. Even when the other nannies she had known for the last couple of months reached out to take her, she turned away and held on tight to me. Thus, the bonding began. The nannies clearly gave them lots of love in the orphanage, but she seemed to be so happy to have a mommy who was all her own. Peanut was pretty lifeless and sick the first few days, but has completely come to life since then. When I asked her caregivers at the orphanage what her personality was like, they said that she was very serious and didn't smile or play much. This matches the all the pictures and video we had seen of her, as she never cracked a smile. The doctor said that when he saw her for the first time, she was protein deficient and he was very concerned about her. She had an ear infection, which she has probably had for months. We're hoping that it's finally gone now, but are not sure after several rounds of antibiotics. Since being home for several weeks, she is the happiest and most fun baby/toddler ever! She sparkles, laughs, loves life and her new family.

Little Bro might just be the happiest little 3 1/2 year old I've ever met! He is embracing with both arms his new life in America (they told us that every day he would ask if today was the day he was coming to America...) and his new family. He loves to experience everything possible and loves going "Bye-bye." He asks every day if we're going and gets so excited when we do. We were in the van a lot of the time in Ethiopia (no car seats or seat belts!) and he was right next to the window, with his head partially out of it if possible the entire time, soaking in all the sights and sounds. It's no wonder when you realize that they've spent the last year cloistered in an orphanage, possibly leaving it no more than once or twice. We are very thankful for the care they've gotten, but there is no replacement for a loving family!

This is the original picture I first saw of the kids taken in November, '08:
The next 3 were taken in February of '09...
These are the happiest pictures we have of peanut taken in June...









We were so thrilled to see Little Bro smile when we got this pictures over the summer! Here we got a glimpse into his sparkling personality...









Here we are at the office of the orphanage - they fed us an amazing spread of Ethiopian fare complete with injera. I loved the food - no utensils allowed... it was amazing how Little Bro was an master at this technique... we're working on the forks & spoons :).
















This was a very long and tiring day - but it was also the day that we went to the embassy and received their paperwork allowing us to take them home! That was definitely a miraculous event after which we breathed a huge sigh of relief. The paperwork to bring them home was finally over and we could begin the long trek to getting them home!


Now, they've definitely come to life with personality with a capital P, and we wouldn't change it for the world. Our home is filled with so much laughter and joy. Even when they cry we usually have to laugh. No, we're not completely heartless, they're just so precious most of the time when they cry... But on a very important side note... really, who thought that toys with batteries were a good idea????

Hopscotch anyone?

Well, we've been through two court dates since I last wrote. Honestly, I can't believe just how worn out I am... you've seen wash rags(or worsh rags as my grandma would have said) that have just wiped down the floor and then been rinsed and wrung out more than they should? Well, that would be me. I know there's got to be some grand purpose behind this seemingly-senseless-never-ending-court-date-torture, and I also know I'll probably never see it and somehow I'm trying to learn how to be content with that. My grade so far? A "C+"...

One of my friends who just went through her second date today and was delayed until the beginning of July just lost it a little bit... She called the travel agent and bought two tickets for she and her husband to Ethiopia, where they're going to visit their little girl (she's about the same age as our youngest in Ethiopia) and then come back home before they go back to pick her up a few weeks later. They don't have any other kids yet, so they can be a little more spontaneous... I probably would have already done that if we didn't already have 3!

I can't look at our kids' pictures without having a hitch in my heart, a knot in my stomach and quite often, the tears that go with it... Last night at about 2:54 a.m.(oops, guess that would be morning - not that I looked at the clock or anything...) I woke up suddenly, realizing that court could very well be going on at that moment. I also realized that I was done for - there would be no more sleep for me, and so it was. As it became later in the morning and I kept my newly-grown appendage - my phone, of course - attached to my hand, where it belongs whenever I'm waiting for THE call, I got to revisit those feelings of knowing that my heart was going to pound it's way out of my chest. During those moments, I'm always so surprised to not find it lying on the floor flopping around... I know in my head that whatever the news, it will all be okay, but I can't seem to convince my body. I'm thinking that some kind of space-sleep gismo would sell like hotcakes to international adoptive parents - you know - the thing in sci-fi movies where you go to sleep and wake up a few years later (months would be my preference in this case, although I'd like the option of pulling it out again during our daughter's jr. high years - once was definitely enough as far as I'm concerned!). That would be a beautiful thing...

It will really sound like lying when I say that I'm still trusting God and His timing. I just have to figure out how to enjoy this part of the process...

So... the latest... the woman assigned to write the necessary recommendation for our case from MOWA - Ministry of Women's Affairs - turned out to be out on vacation and just returned a couple of days ago. That's why we weren't passing before... but that was before. Our date on June 5 was rescheduled for today, June 11, after our attorney pleaded with the court for an earlier date - they initially had given us a date of June 26. We're so blessed to have such a great attorney representing us in Ethiopia. Please keep him in your prayers - he's doing a great work there. Today (last night in Ethiopia) they discovered that MOWA had reviewed our paperwork and wanted additional information about the 2 siblings not being adopted with our two. I would imagine that the details would have been included in the dossier, so I'm not sure what they're wanting to know, but there it is...

There were a few other cases heard from our agency today at court and all of them were given new dates at the beginning of July. We got a new date of June 15. Hmmmmm... what is that all about?! I can't even try to get my hopes up. On one hand, how good it is to have an early date. On the other hand, do I really have to ride this torture coaster so soon to just get another date at the end of it. Has this become my life? Existing from one date to another... kind of like a hopscotch game that doesn't have an end and they never let you jump off no matter how horrid your balance is...

And every time the date approaches you can't help but hope and pray like mad, trying to make sure you're not forgetting anybody or anything, so it's not your fault that it didn't go. Silly, huh. And yet, I still go there...

How much does what we pray impact the outcome? Clearly, there's no formula or ratio you can plug in to figure this out. But I do know our prayers count and are offered up as incense before the throne of God (Revelation 8 describes a beautiful picture of this). We are given the privilege of participating with God in His best. Because we only see through a glass darkly - or see into the room through a distorted pinhole, to use a different analogy - we get discouraged when we don't see what's happening in the corner, just out of our view. This is where true faith and trust come in - knowing that our loving Father does see all the minutiae and trusting Him to lead us through each step, while we are seemingly blind. He asks us to pray, thereby participating in the outcome, without knowing the whys or the hows.

In my blindness, I imagine this is partly why we're going through this endless round of dates - our Father wants us to depend on Him to a greater degree, even when it doesn't make sense. Reading about it doesn't quite teach us like experiencing it does... In the end, there will be wonder and amazement as His glory is revealed. I have to believe that... I do believe that... it's what so much of my life is based upon. And I know that I know that I know, that it will all be worth it in the end - a day I'm truly looking forward to!

And now... off to watch Fireproof with TrueDad... we are blessed indeed as we breathe between hopscotch games...

Many blessings as we follow one step at a time,
True Mom

Just got off the phone this afternoon with my agency. If the department in Ethiopia doesn’t write the letter of recommendation the court is waiting on by tonight, then we have to ask for a new court date. If she does write it tonight, we should pass! Otherwise, it’ll be another 2-3 weeks for a new court date...She said the woman in Ethiopia is very, very busy, which is not really good news. To compound the issue even more, our attorney is representing five other cases tomorrow as well. One of my friends who has her court date tomorrow said that she's "assuming that she won't pass." None of us want the extreme disappointment that comes from not realizing your high expectation.

I know the struggle between "assuming you won't pass" so we're not let down and believing, in faith. At the same time, I think God kind of likes it when things are really difficult from a human perspective, because it allows Him to do things that only He can do. A great thing I heard last week in our pastor's message, "Avoid the temptation to bring God down to our level." I know that I do this sometimes without even realizing it. I just look at the circumstances, and if they're too hard, then I prepare myself for the letdown. I'm trying to handle this with, "Your best, God, but come on and make it happen!"

I'd like to share something that happened to us that is pretty relevant to the situation... Sorry, it's a little long...

9 years ago, Eric & I were flying to Australia for the Hillsong Conference on standby passes. For five days, they wouldn't let us on the flight, because they were taking fruit over (of all things) and the flight was too heavy for more passengers. (They got more money for fruit than standy passengers... Go figure. It was just before the 2000 Olympics and I guess the athletes had to have their apples - LOL!) Day after day, we hung out in San Francisco, questioning whether we had heard God wrong and He didn't want us to go to the conference after all. We had watched the rest of our team - 6 others that we were the leaders of - all get on the plane without us. It was one of the toughest and most growing experiences of my life.

We had a lot of conversations about whether God was really involved in it and whether our prayers made a difference - after all, we didn't feel that they had up til then. Finally on the fifth night, we decided that if we didn't make it on the plane we would not go (The first five days were our fun days and the conference started the next day. All our "fun" was spent in SF. Not that it's not a great place, but it's in our backyard and a far cry from Australia!) cuz God clearly didn't want us to. They were about to close the plane door with us still in the terminal and the attendant was telling me that we weren't going to make it on. Eric was down the hall in a phone booth praying like he's never prayed before. He told me that he prayed with a confidence that really, really believed that God would get us on that plane and almost "told God" (hope you all understand what I mean by that) what He needed to do. I liken it to telling the mountain to move...

All of a sudden, the ticket agent got a phone call from the pilot who told her that the weight was less than they expected and they could take 2 more passengers. They actually began to argue about it because the ticket agent's info said otherwise. After a couple of minutes of going back and forth, another ticket agent handed me our tickets and said, "Hurry up and get on that plane before they change their minds!" You can imagine the joy and how much in awe we were that we had just made it on that plane. It truly was against all odds.

I have absolutely no doubt that had we - and my husband in particular - not prayed as fervently and with as much confidence as we did, would never have made it on that plane. God changed the weight loads to get us on and we absolutely recognized that it was His work. We went to that conference with a different kind of faith than we had ever had before and God did an amazing work in our lives and the lives of so many others as a result. (There's so much we took back from that conference - it was life-changing and changed the way we lead worship...) If we hadn't gotten on that plane then, I would have had no doubt that God had a plan in us not going - there was nothing left to chance.

All that to say - I can't afford to assume I won't pass. I feel like I can't leave anything on the table... I've got to let it all go and give God the best of my faith. I think I've mentioned before that I felt God gave me the date of June 23rd as an embassy date 2-3 months ago. Tomorrow would be the last possible day to pass to even have a chance at that date. God works in mysterious ways and if we don't pass, that's really o.k., cuz I'll know He really means it either way... Hope that all makes sense :).

Expectantly Waiting on God for His Best!
TrueMom

BTW... we got to fly Business Class all the way to Australia!

Delayed... But hopefully not for long!

What a disappointment to get the call from our rep at the agency finally by mid-morning to find out that we were delayed because the Ministry of Women's Affairs (the agency in Ethiopia which oversees each adoption case) neglected to write the required recommendation letter for our case because the supervisor was out of the office! This is a letter that usually appears the day before court or on the day of court, or, in our case... not at all! We weren't sure if the birth mother had even been able to give her testimony (which she has to do) or if they had heard the case at all. Since she lives over 4 hours away and has to get there by bus, this would be a huge problem for her to do again.

The good news is... today I found out that they did, in fact, hear our case as well as the mother's testimony. Our attorney in Ethiopia said, "they are very happy to approve our case" and would have done so if that darn letter had been there! But, the judges were in favor - YAY! Our attorney goes back tomorrow (tonight, our time) to see if the coveted paper has arrived. If it has, I'm unsure as to whether he'll be given a new court date or it they be able to approve it without it...

Please pray with us that the recommendation letter is complete and that they'll be able to somehow approve it without giving us a new court date!

In the meantime, our parking lot sale is this weekend - hopefully we can raise lots of funds for supplies for our orphanage - they desperately need it!

With hope regardless of the outcome,
TrueMom

2 Days 'Til Court!!!

Hard to believe, but true... in two days (Tuesday night here is Wednesday morning in Ethiopia) our case will go before a judge in Ethiopia and our fate and that of our children will be in his hands. Actually, this is only true from a visual perspective, because behind the scenes, an all-powerful and all-knowing God who loves us and cares about the details of our lives has ultimate say! Now that, I can live with! After all, who else loves our kids in Ethiopia more than He does?!

I'd love to say that it will be a slam dunk and I am definitely praying for a first-round knock-out punch making further rounds unnecessary... but there are some large hurdles before us. Last week, 5 cases were presented to court from our same orphanage and all 5 were delayed as the judge is asking for additional paperwork from that orphanage. It all sounds so simple, but getting one little paper can take weeks or months sometimes in Ethiopia. From a human perspective, I would say that the odds are not in our favor to pass court this Tuesday/Wednesday. I haven't been able to find out from my agency if they have the coveted paper, and Monday is a holiday, so I might not know at all before court... this is where faith comes into play :).

This morning our pastor spoke about the 12 spies in Numbers 13 & 14, scouting out the promised land and how 10 came back with "No way, the giants are waaaaay too big" and the 2 came back with "Yes, the giants are humongous, but of course we can, with God on our side." It was such a good reminder to have eyes of faith and to remember what God has promised. I fully believe that He wants us to pray for miracles. This is our way to participate in His glory that will be revealed through those miracles.

There are so very many challenges to be faced in the world of adoption and so many reasons why it doesn't usually make sense from a practical viewpoint. I'm continually reminded of this as we move through this process. As the 10 spies did, it's so easy to see all the reasons why you shouldn't move in to a place where you are dependent for God to do things that only He can do. In this process, as in so many things in life God asks us to do, we are constantly having to rely on God for things that only He can do as almost everything is outside of our influence. I am also reminded to continue to seek the mindset of the two spies as we are confronted with various obstacles.

That being said, I am overjoyed to see how God has been working and can't wait to experience more of this as we move closer to bringing the kids home. Watching God work reminds me of what it feels like to watch a dancer who was just meant to dance, performing on the stage pouring her heart into each move, or a singer who can bring you to tears through the beauty of his voice, emotion and interpretation of a song. The only thing better than watching God at work is getting to participate with Him as He works! To use an imperfect analogy, maybe it's a bit like being the caddy for Tiger Woods, who's finesse with a driver and on the green leaves both the wannabe and avid golfer in sheer awe.

If we are one of the 10 spies, we will miss entirely the beauty and perfection of God's finesse and victory in our lives. The timing of this message for me was very interesting and not coincidental IMO. God rejoices when we see our world and the problems through His perspective, remembering who He is... the God of the universe who created the world in 6 days - an all-powerful, omniscient God, yet who still knows how to meet us where we're at. These hurdles and set-backs we face are so small in light of who He is :o! May I not be guilty of placing God on the same level as me and the humanity I relate to...

All that to say - I'm facing this giant of a court date with confidence and fervent, heartfelt prayers that God will defeat these giants. If He chooses not to, that is His right... He is God after all... but it won't be because I didn't pray and believe with all that I am with eyes of faith! May I be one of the 2!

TrueMom
P.S. BTW - In case you didn't know or just forgot... all 10 spies who "played it safe" and told the Israelites not to go where God called them cause the giants were too big, died of a plague... only Caleb & Joshua - the 2 spies with eyes of faith - were allowed to enter the Promised Land...

And on to the next...

And so the new stage is... COURT DATE!!!

How very fun to say that today, we got the call that we officially have a court date and its... drum roll please... May 27! For those of you who don't live and breathe by the calendar like those of us in adoption-land, that's less than 3 weeks out. This is pretty amazing considering that when we began this journey several months ago, court dates were being assigned 12-13 weeks out. Last week, our agency received dates that were 6 weeks out, so for us to receive this early of a date is surprising to say the least. (Don't get me wrong, we're certainly not complaining!)

Having this news brings the word "real" to a whole 'notha level! To think that two little ones are entering our home in possibly, a few short weeks is humbling and... wow............ I think that's the limit of my vocabulary at the moment. This also means that if all goes well, and we pass on the first try - we're really praying for that one :)! - we could be traveling as early as June 20th! That's 6 weeks out... I realize just how much my life will change and it's... wow.......... I guess I still haven't gotten more creative than that.

If you go back and look at my earlier posts, you'll see that I've been praying specifically for an embassy date of June 23rd. As time has gone on, this has been less and less likely, yet I haven't felt inclined to pray differently. So to realize how God is in process of working it all out... wow..........this one I can add to... our God is good and mighty and able (and I would add, pleased) to accomplish more than we can ask or imagine!

Just this morning I was thinking, "Do I have to walk on water every day?" Is that what God requires of us in putting our faith in Him? The kind of faith that never wavers, that expects the miraculous and always keeps its focus forward on our master's face, never giving in to temptation to look down and realize the tempestuous waters raging at our feet. I count it a privilege to look for what only God can do and participate in some small way, but honestly, I've felt a little tired the last couple of days.

God in His infinite goodness and care, picked me up off of the water and gently placed me in the boat for a little while. I'm more than happy to be here for however long I can stay and will remember to cherish these days and use the time to prepare for the next stint on the water on my bare feet! In my heart I know it won't last too long cuz my Father knows that He's made me to live on the edge experiencing Him and His work in ways I can only when I'm out of the boat!

In the meantime, gotta get the room finished, get some kind of baby and toddler gear (yikes, I really don't have any of that stuff :)) and get some events planned so we can bring donations to the kids' orphanage! I'm confident that this next stage will definitely not be boring!!!

Thanks for your prayers!
TrueMom

New Stage of Waiting

You've heard of ladies-in-waiting? Well I've decided that I am officially an Adoptive-Mom-in-Waiting! But I'm so happy to announce the next stage that we've graduated to...

We're officially in line for a court date!!! I know this may seem so anti-climactic for most of you. Several months ago I would have responded with an "And...?" Since we had heard about the hold-ups with our kids' paperwork, we were beginning to wonder what kind of plan God had us on? Would we be on the "eternally waiting" plan? I'd already told God (more than once I readily admit) that I really had learned whatever lesson it was that He was seemed to be convinced I needed to learn. He hasn't quite bought it yet... I guess He saw the times that I almost started screaming into my pillow, the many times I've bitten my tongue to refrain from laying into one of my beloved family members in exasperation, the times that biting did no good... sorry TrueDad & kids... All in all, though, my faith is definitely expanding and my trust has increased exponentially (promise, God!).

We should know about the official date within a couple of weeks. It doesn't normally take that long (yet another "opportunity" to wait and learn...), but I've been told that there are a couple of holidays coming up in Ethiopia (from my extensive online research - i.e. "world travel guide"): May 1 - Labour Day... bet you didn't know that this went beyond our country... ok - I had no idea at least... and May 5 - Patriots Victory Day. No idea what that one means... my extensive research hasn't extended that far... At any rate, we are thrilled to have confirmation that the paperwork is in order and that we're in line for a date!

Thank you for all your prayers! We are humbled and privileged to call so many of you friends.

TrueMom-in-waiting :)

Waiting...

Have I said how much I really don't like to wait??? I know... I shouldn't write that out loud, cuz it'll probably get even worse now. I honestly think that's why I haven't written much recently, cuz I'm so not happy about this whole waiting thing. Word to the wise - don't go toward international adoption unless you're good with waiting... or at least willing to wait... or at the very least have decided to grin and bear it (how do I cross out "grin" on this computer?) if you're forced to wait... can you guess which category I fall into?

Really, I have no grounds to complain - other than dealing with this constant feeling that my home, which once was so complete a few months ago, will not be so again until our two little ones come home. I keep trying to enjoy the fact that I have so much "me-time" compared to what will be when they finally get here, but I just can't seem to take any satisfaction in it. I'm so thankful that the kids are being taken care of really well in their orphanage. It is sad, however, that most of their friends have moved from their current orphanage to a new one in Addis, the main city in Ethiopia. Our kids are supposed to move as well, but the region's officials where they're from have not released them to be moved. There are about 8 children left there and about 50 who were moved. I'm thankful that brother and sister get to stay together!

There was a problem a while ago with a licensing of a couple of the orphanages that held up anyone getting court dates. This caused a bit of concern for all of us potential adoptive parents (PAP's) as we weren't sure how long this would hold things up. In Ethiopia, there is a severe rainy season that pretty much shuts things down for two months. It looks like this year, court will be completely shut down for August and September. (The dates change every year - this year could be a little earlier or a little later, but should be pretty close...) When court opens back up again, there's quite a backlog of cases to be heard so things are really slow getting started back up. This means that all of us PAP's are praying really hard to "pass court before they close." The good news is that several other families adopting from the same organization have received court dates - the furthest one out so far is June 4th. The bad news is that we're not one of them yet. We've gotten word that the kids' paperwork may not be completed yet - we've been waiting to hear whether it is or not for a couple of weeks.

It's so hard to understand from our perspective why you just can't pick up the phone and ask that question. And if something is not completed, why you can't go get the missing paper and fax it to them the same day. After all, that's what I do in real estate on a daily basis... fax, email and my trustee cell phone, which gets my emails on it as well, are my friends! (Or my enemies depending on the particular moment. Like last week when I walked into the Sprint store to get their help "unfreezing" my email on my phone. The guy said, "i'll just take out your battery and put it back in and that should take care of it." "Okay," I ignorantly replied... my phone was indeed like new after that - stripped of all my contacts, emails or anything else that made it my trustee friend... for those of you now deathly afraid to take out your battery, I've gotten reassurance that this is not normal... BTW, I'll deny to my death that the shriek you heard coming from the Sprint store at 3:00 was me.) Alas, it's not that way in a third world country. Dial-up is their only modem, which doesn't work half the time - and if you thought you're old dial-up was slow, you'd think again after sharing an extremely slow line with the rest of the country. (I don't know exactly how many lines they have, but I've been told that you can go for days without it...) There are entire days as well that you can't get through on a phone line, not to mention the 10 hour time difference. Need I say more? Actually, yes. Ethiopians tend to operate on a different time schedule than we do in the U.S.... much more relaxed. While this may be great for the blood pressure in Ethiopia, it doesn't do much for us wigged out, get-it-done-now over-achievers... I guess I am admitting to that one.

In so many ways, however, the waiting is a blessing. Really. I keep telling myself that and some of the time I manage to feel it - the times I don't, I still believe it! I have found this to be so true:

Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:30-31

What a blessing to know the One I serve and to learn to trust Him in a deeper way day by day, moment by moment. I'm really waiting on Him and He is never late - praise God!

We have been managed to be pretty productive however, in our waiting time. During Easter break, we moved C.J.'s room to what used to be the bonus room. He now has the coolest bedroom in the house - happy bday, son! He wanted to leave the sectional that we had in there and use a wardrobe for a closet with just a simple bed and now his room has become the official hang-out upstairs! The other night, TrueDad, Guy, our friend Josh and C.J. were living out their fantasies of hitting 350 yard drives with personal caddies the only way they ever will - on "Tiger Woods" XBox - when I realized they were all playing in C.J.'s room at 10 pm on a school night! Oops... gotta come up with a new plan for that one!

We then cleared out C.J.'s old room to make way for the new kids. I honestly never knew so much stuff could be hiding in two rooms. You could have easily mistaken our hallway for an entire household as we sorted through what was going or staying. It really took the whole week, sad to say, but it looks fabulous now and the kids' room is almost ready... now we just need the kids! We took a day trip to IKEA - we decided it was the next best thing to Disneyland. We shopped for our church, which we're waiting to move in to (yes, lots of waiting going on these days), and had a blast. One of my favorite moments was eating in the cafeteria (kind of can't believe that word came out of my fingers in association with our family...) and spending $20 for our family of 5 and having leftovers! Best dish on the menu? Add 5 Swedish meatballs for $1.00 to any meal. If you want to save a penny, get a kids portion - the same 5 Swedish meatballs in a colored plastic bowl for $0.99 (sorry, I'm currently computer-challenged as I can't seem to find the cents symbol)!

We all had fun designing the kids' room - using stuff we already had and adding little things. We had a side table and toy box/bench (gotta love this one - I've been using it for a laundry "basket" but it says on the underside of the lid - "Caution - not a toy box as fingers may get caught." I told my mom a little sheepishly that we were planning on using it anyway. She said, "For heavens' sake, what do you thing we had when you kids were little!" Nothing special about it - just a hinge on a wooden lid on a wooden box... i figure it would probably only take once... that's all it ever took me :). Not to worry, no fingers are in danger or being lost... I tried it out first just to be sure!) that I didn't want to keep the way they were. I decided to venture into the world of Trading Spaces and paint it with much fear and trepidation. I'm thrilled to say they came out great. What was once a very boring falling-apart worn-out side table is now a chic distressed black nightstand and toy box with striped bench. I decided on the whole distressed route cuz it'll end up that way whether I want it to or not, I would imagine! Now I have to design their window treatments - I'm going for indoor red awnings with iron sides... I'll post pics when I'm done :).

The fun part will be on the Saturday before Mother's Day, we're planning on having a parking lot fundraiser. I've been kind of afraid to write it out loud, cuz I know how much work it will be, but we're using it as an event to benefit the kids and the orphanages in Ethiopia. Please let us know if you have anything you'd like to get rid of (one man's junk is another man's treasure!) and we'll happily include it in our ever-growing pile. We hope to get lots of donations and have a great sale! Thanks for helping us spread the word!

DVD!

We got a dvd of the kids yesterday. Oh my! How to communicate what it feels like to watch them try to understand that the pictures they're looking at are their new mommy & daddy. How do I describe the lost look in both of their eyes - the inherent sadness that must be from losing the only mom and dad you've even known and being dropped off in an institution. The glazed-over look in the eyes that is afraid to hope and unsure of the future. These are things that even at 3 and 9 months seem to be evident.

Sad, but true, one of my favorite moments on the dvd is when Eleni is plopped down on the floor in the clothes we sent, her little face begins to frown, a cry begins to form, clearly taking over her face, yet remains mute until about 4 seconds pass and it has to come out! Even though she's clearly in distress, we're so excited to see real emotion - upset because her nanny put her down again. It's also at this point that I can see two little teeth on top and two more on the bottom. Each little detail makes her that much more real... that much more personal... that much more our daughter... and that much more painful that we have to leave her in Ethiopia without two parents and 3 more siblings who want to shower her with unconditional love. This also gives a better indication of her age, which really is probably very close to 9-10 months as the 3rd & 4th teeth usually show up between months 7 and 11, and hers have yet to make an appearance. She can also sit-up by herself, but that was pretty much the extent of the showing off that we got to view - besides the beautiful crying demonstration that is!

Another favorite moment, is when Kadin realizes at some level that the gifts we've sent him are truly his, but he's clearly not sure how long he'll get to keep them. Immediately, when he's presented with each precious commodity, he gathers everything he can into his lap - the photo album of us, the soft, black gorilla, the red "cars" t-shirt, pop-up book that won't seem to stay on his lap, so it sits right next to him, and the tonka car-machines that he's playing with if they've left the safety of the lap. As he's playing with the cars, he notices the adult next to him putting his sister's gifts back into the ziploc bag. At this point, you can see a bit of panic creep in as he realizes that the lap may not be adequate protection to prevent his toy's receiving the same fate as his sister's. Kadin begins to quickly stockpile each car and the photo album up close to his chest. How to describe the emotion as we see him protect our pictures, not even really comprehending what this means... At this point, the adult "toy grabber" has caught up to him putting everything back in his ziploc bag, including the album. He is left holding the cars when he's told to move in to the next room. The helper has to lift him to his feet as his hands are otherwise occupied and not about to become available!

There's another moment when M is showing Kadin our pictures and telling him that this is his new mommy and daddy. He looks at M and then back to the pictures as if to ask if this is really the truth - he seems a bit astounded by the possibility that there is another mom & dad in his future. When the translator seems to ask if he understands, he raises his eyebrows, which in Ethiopian culture, means "yes." This is the cutest thing to see and something I'm sure we'll all enjoy and drive us crazy as we try to communicate with each other.

While we may not get much insight into their real personalities from our 3-minute dvd, it doesn't seem as if Kadin will not be a strong-willed child. He seemed quite polite and respectful and compliant. After all, he never complained as his toys were "taken away." One can't tell though if this is just because he's so used to not having anything to call his own and no opportunity to really become his own person in their world largely devoid of much stimulation, and yet filled with so much uncertainty and heartache.

Our kids will be moving into the Addis Ababa (about 4 hours away) within the next two weeks as their paperwork is transferred over to a new license. This is a both a praise and a concern. A praise in that their paperwork has to be transferred over to a new license if the adoption is to go forward, as the original license is not being renewed. It's also quite expensive to get food and supplies to the orphanage that far away from the city as gas and food has gone up exponentially, so it will be much more affordable to take care of the kids in the new center and give them good care. The concern is that this is just more uncertainty for all the kids and for ours in particular, it could mean separation from their siblings. We haven't been told at this point if they're brothers will be able to move with them or not. Very possibly one will and one will not.


We're also still waiting to find out more about whether the older sibling will be able to be adopted or not. The region he's from has said that they'll allow one child a month to be adopted, yet we have no verification at this point. The agency is trying to get it, which is no easy task in Ethiopia! And so very much would have to happen if he is meant to be in our home. All I can say is that we are utterly dependent on God and His best for both this very precious child and our family. If there was a chance to bring him home, I don't know if I could stand the thought of leaving him behind. Please join us in praying for His best!!!


Wish I could show you all the pictures and dvd. Some of my adoption friends I've met through other forums have recently passed court and shown their pictures. It's so exciting to finally see the little ones we've been praying so long for.


Someday, that'll be us...

Update & Names!

So much has happened in the last few weeks so it's time to update the details...

As I blogged about earlier, we receive the official referral for the kids on Feb. 4th and their original pictures when they had entered the orphanage. At the same time we received measurements, which were interesting to say the least. Our three year old boy is such a little guy and will have to hold his own to stand up to his little sister. According to their paperwork, she was 21 lbs. at 3 months (yes, you read it right) and her "big" brother was 26 lbs. at three years of age! We've heard a lot of comments about malnutrition causing the kids to be very small until they come home, but what gives with the baby?? We think her age is probably off by a couple of months. Right now, according to her paperwork, she's 8 months, we think she's probably closer to 10 months.

We got new pics of the kids that were taken two weeks ago, as well as new measurements (we're still waiting for new weights) and it looks like the kids are doing well overall. They received our gifts and we got pictures of them holding the gifts and wearing their new clothes. Every picture of our little girl is either with a straight face or crying - especially in the new clothes, which are pink... perhaps she doesn't like pink. Either way, it melts my mommy-heart to see her that way and gives me a little foretaste of what's to come. I told TrueDad that I think we'll get really familiar with that whole pouting/crying look. Funny how, more than anything, it just makes me laugh when I hear kids cry - I guess cuz they're just so darn cute. (Okay, I'm not sadistic - I don't cry when they have a really good reason to cry, like they've fallen and hurt themselves... I just love seeing the things that are such a big deal to little ones -and it's so fun to make it better. I wonder if this is how God sees us when we throw our little tantrums. Somehow, I don't think we're nearly as cute... Thank you God, for having so much patience!)

The most amazing thing was realizing, as I looked at a picture of the little boy that he was holding in his lap the photo album that we sent him showing the picture of TrueDad & myself! I have to admit that when I saw that I just broke down crying realizing that it was for real. We are now connected with Ethiopia and the kids are connected with us - they are in the process of becoming Truekids! I desperately wish that I could post pictures, but it's not allowed nor are we allowed to give out their names. I can however, tell you about their new names...

In Ethiopia, a name is an important thing - given out with real meaning behind each name. We wanted to find a balance of maintaining this connection and preparing them for their lives in the U.S. with names they could be proud of: ones that reflect both their heritage and their new life. While this seemed like a daunting task, we've been blessed to experience God's direction clearly in the process, further signifying that these children were chosen for us.

The little boy's name, "D" means "the kind one." in Ethiopia. I blogged earlier about how when we were trying to decide if we really were supposed to pursue the adoption, the main passage of Scripture that God lead me right to is Luke 12:22-34. My favorite verse I've been holding on to in that passage is v. 32 - "Do not be afraid little flock, for Your father has chosen gladly to give you the kingdom." One day, I went looking for any verses in the concordance relating to that verse, in particular. The first one I looked up was Eph. 1:5,9 "He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will," and "He made know to us the mystery of His will, according to His kind intention which He purposed in Him." I'm so thankful that God's intention to bring us into His family was designed with kindness which is reflected in the name of our soon-to-be newly adopted son.

We decided to keep his birth name as his middle name and give him a new first name that also has special meaning, but is perhaps a little simpler for all of us who are language-challenged to pronounce. C.J. has always wanted a little brother, so we went for the African name, Kadin, which means "beloved companion." We are confident that he will live up to his name and be a "true & kind beloved companion!" - will that mean never a moment of sibling fighting??? Ahhhh... one can dream :).

When C.J. was born, we knew that we wanted to call him Ellie if he was a girl, but would have chosen a longer name to shorten to Ellie. Alas, it was not to be and while we were quite thrilled with our new boy, (yes, son, we still are :)) we were more than a little sad to never use the name. (Silly us, we thought we'd never have more kids... or was that our formerly practical selves trying to will some good sense into our what-could-be-viewed-as not-so-practical current versions?) So when we learned that one of our new children would be a girl, TrueDad was adamant that she be called Ellie. As he hasn't been too adamant about the details in this process, I was all too happy to go along with him. We did want to keep her Ethiopian heritage in there somewhere and so were trying to figure out how to best do that.

We learned that her given name, "W" meant "golden one." Her name doesn't translate easily into English and could cause other problems as well in the translation but we wanted to honor her given meaning in some way so we decided that we would look for a name that meant something close, like "valuable" or "light." I began to look down a rather extensive list of Ethiopian names, looking at the meaning column versus the name column. I found nothing meaning "valuable" and only one meaning "light." I think I just about fell over when I saw what it was... "Eleni." What a gift to see how God put all that together from almost 14 years ago, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart," Jeremiah 1:5

Now for the last name... in Ethiopia, the children take their father's first name as their last name. So all the children in the family with the same father have the same last name, but different from their mother's last name. When God really planted the adoption seed, I was in church listening to our pastor teach on the first chapter of Isaiah and verse 17 completely leapt off the page and into my heart, especially, "Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow." I thought... this is what our church should be about. It was about that time that our pastor and his wife took in two little bi-racial boys who needed a home within their family - literally overnight. As TrueDad & I decided to go forward in our pursuit of adoption, we've always had the feeling that it would represent our church somehow or be linked in some way. Well... it turns out that the kids last name, "G" translates as "grace." Oh, did I forget to tell you that the name of our church is, "Grace?"

Their names now have a world of meaning to us.

We've also decided to incorporate their last name into Eleni's full name, so she'll be called "Eleni Grace True" - Ellie for short.

Our little 3 year old will be "Kadin 'D' True."

So now our dossier is on a plane on its ways to Ethiopia. After it's translated then we normally would be in line for a court date, however there's a slight issues going on... I'll explain in my next post cuz we need prayer!

Holding on to God and loving the ride!

TrueMom

Roller Coaster Life

I've not been a great blogger the last couple of weeks - I didn't even realize it had been so long til right now when I looked at my last post... well, the last two weeks have been anything but boring. I feel so blessed to be an active part of what God is doing.

I was just reminded of this verse on one of my student's blogs -

John 10:10, "I came that they might have life and have it more abundantly."

These are Jesus' words. I clearly am "they" and realize that this pretty much sums up my life and the way I embrace it. That's the reason it resonated with me so strongly when I came across it. I guess I'm not one to capture complacency very well or sit on the sidelines and think about the things I wish I had gone after. I don't ever want to be accused (even if its just me doing the accusing) of not doing something God invited me to participate in because I didn't have the means right in front of me. I don't ever want fear to paralyze me into staying in my comfort zone and miss out on the wild ride that God promises if I step out believing that He'll lead and forage the way.

I guess it reminds me of riding a roller coaster that I've never been on before. You know the kind - where you can't see what's over that ginormous mountain you're ascending or on the other side of the corkscrew, but when you're falling, you've never felt more alive (maybe cuz you've never felt closer to dying!) and at the end , arriving safely at the dock, feeling exhilarated, relieved, maybe a little sick and wishing you could do it again and again (at least when you're my kids' ages).

Figuratively speaking, I don't ever want to be the old person (this is definitely up to interpretation as some of my kids' friends never wanted to go on the roller coaster & I remember my mom who was younger than I am now watching us go. But there's a reason we don't see many senior citizens running from ride to ride - well, except for that wacko old guy on the Great America commercials...) who watches every one else go on the rides.

OK, so maybe my body doesn't like them as much as it used to, but I find it way too easy to go down that virtual road of "sitting this one out" as time goes on if I don't remind myself of what could be.

You know how some people are addicted to the adrenaline rush - like my nephew who's an amazing snow boarder and doesn't care if he breaks a thousand bones in the process - I'm addicted to the rush of when I'm a part of something greater. Something that only God can do. Something I can't do on my own. Something I don't have the natural means for. I see Him accomplish jaw-dropping things and in some little way, I was a part of it - along for the ride.

I know that somewhere on the way I may throw-up a time or two at the sheer velocity or stomach-dropping cliff I've fallen down at breakneck speed. But I have absolute confidence that I'm on the track and I can't fall off as long as I keep that super heavy shoulder harness on. The one that gives you the freedom to throw your hands in the air, scream along the way and trust that somehow you're going to make it to the end. This seems to be the Word of God and I find myself clutching it through every turn and cliff.

Jesus said, "If you remain in Me and My words remain in you, you can ask whatever you wish and it will be given you." - John 15:7. It's a constant thing. Not something you can choose to look at once in a while. Well, you can, but you're in danger of falling off the ride and missing out on God's track with the safety devices in place.

I'm so fortunate, blessed, grateful... to have a husband who wants to get on the ride with me.

This is huge as to why we're adopting. So much common sense says that we should sit out this ride and we get that. Yet, when God offered the invitation to get on the ride, we found we just had to go. Of course, we had the choice - God pretty consistently gives us that option - but every ride He's taken us on up to this point has been more than we could have anticipated. How could we miss out on this one?

Rascal Flatts has a great song that talks about this...
See you on the roller coaster -
TrueMom

Bad News/Good News

How to begin... this is the end of a somewhat frantic, at times nail-biting, completely humbling and glorious week. As I consider the "week in review" (to speak the language of a late night talk show, or perhaps more correctly, your favorite cable news channel) I'm a little in awe that so much has happened in 6 days. Of course, that's all it took for God to create the world and everything in it... I guess He can handle the issues in my life :).

How many of you when asked if you'd like to hear the good news or bad news first, choose the good news? Honestly, I never quite understood that, because who wants to end on a sad note? Well, I guess that would be all of you who chose the good news first... Since it's my blog, I get to choose (and if you'd rather have it your way, you can skip a few paragraphs and come back to this at the end) ...

Yesterday, I lost my son. For a total of 42 minutes he was missing. It was an eternity.

Honestly, I thought I was past that whole worrying thing when you go places in your mind as you realize your child is not where he's supposed to be. You know the drill - kidnapping, torture, accident... need I go on? For real, I get sick even thinking about yesterday. But really, he's 13 and able to take care of himself... uh... yeah, right! (We must here take into consideration that upon recently entering the teenage years, he has officialy lost his brain and I'm told, as well as personally experienced with other children close to me that will remain unnamed, that he's not due to get it back until about age 25.)I'm his mom and I believe it's well within my rights and quite possibly, my duty, to worry for him.

It all started at 2:38, when I had finished a rehearsal at school and realized that I had time to make some copies before leaving to pick up C.J.. Upon reaching the studio, I happened to glance up at the clock on the wall and thought maybe I was seeing things. It now said 3:40. I checked with another nearby clock and darn-it-all, it said the same thing. I immediately struggled with the sick lump rising in my throat as I realized that the first clock I looked at in the rehearsal hall couldn't have been right - or could I possibly have read it wrong??

Okay, I know, mom's aren't supposed to do that. Aren't we always aware of exactly what the time is if it involves our children... even in another time zone?!? C.J. normally gets out at 3:15 and we meet on the corner. This is one of my favorite times of day - watching him walk towards the car and finding out how his day was. We don't always get past the "normal" or "boring" response right away, but I love catching up, even on his terms.

I missed that yesterday, and after talking with TrueDad, realized that he didn't get that privilege either as C.J. certainly wasn't with him. As I ran down all the options I could think of and called all the friends I knew of in trying to track him down my panic level began to rise. At this point, we called in the calvary and pulled out all the stops (besides commandeering the police car that passed me by - but I was really close and it was next on my list) in our attempt to find him. My mom & dad, Sissy and I drove in separate cars everywhere we could think of, stopping in his favorite after-school haunts (this is with prior permission, of course), such as Starbucks, Subway and even SavMart. Have you ever tried looking for someone in a grocery store? I've always thought that one could be looking for the other one forever and still never find each other... we circle the aisles moving in opposite directions, always just on the other side of the aisle that the other person's on... Because of that I went in the same store more than once. I also accosted a large group of unsuspecting Jr. Higher's in the parking lot and I'm sure you know how very unapproachable they can try to be. Thankfully, these ones didn't manage to scare me too much, being the former Supermom that I was (I offically lost that status upon not being there for my son at pick-up - never-mind that I lose this status continually for several other reasons only known to other former Supermoms) on a True mission. Unfortunately, even being the all-knowing Jr. Highers that all Jr. Highers are (they're not told about the whole losing-the-brain-issue upon first entering the teenage years), they didn't have a clue where C.J. was either.

The call came at 4:22. It was Sissy saying, "You do know we found C.J., right?" I have to admit that this was said rather casually as they thought that, of course someone would have told me. He had decided to walk home (it's a good couple of miles uphill) after realizing he'd been momentarily abandoned. I had already driven both of the options one could take to get to our home with no luck. I hadn't considered the walking trails, however... Unfortunately for him, he had and ended up getting a little lost. His anxiety upon realizing that he wasn't in our neighborhood receded somewhat as he realized that he was lost in the neighboring retirement community! If you've got to be lost somewhere, that's probably a pretty safe bet... it was here that he was picked up by Sissy.

I immediately rushed straight home, asked Sissy where C.J. was, and went right upstairs to hold him for awhile. It didn't matter that he is 13. We both felt such an immense sense of relief. We just sat close on the couch for a bit and talked it out. We came up with a great plan if, God-forbid, anything were to happen like that again and decided that yes, bringing the cell phone with you to school is a priority! This really was why he had been given a phone - so we could stay in touch with each other as needed (even though he thinks that its to maintain that texting IV to each and every one of his friends throughout the day - LOL).

When the shock first hit that I really didn't know where he was, an overwhelming feeling of love struck as well. I knew that C.J. was irreplaceable. So special in his own right, and nothing could fill the chasm that would be left if anything really were to happen to him. Not Guy or Sissy, or any future children - biological or adopted. There is not another C.J.. I feel this way passionately about each one of my kids.

I was given a true gift yesterday - a glimpse of how God views us, either when we're right next to Him or when we've chosen to go our own way. I am not just one of a number of children that God has. I am His daughter and, in His eyes - irreplaceable. Made in His image, yet with my own idiosyncracies - and He knows each and every one!

How He must feel when, like the prodigal son, we choose to make our own path, deviating off the road and out of His protective care. I know He doesn't rest when one of us leaves His fold, but pulls out all the stops to go searching for His missing one. While He is God and knows where we are, He also knows just how lost we really are when we're not in sync with Him. What lengths He must go to in His attempt to bring us home where He can love us and care for us and enjoy us in all our idiosyncracies.

I wonder how many of us are afraid to come home because we're not too sure of the response we'll get, when what I really imagine He wants to do is throw His arms around us and just be with us?! When the father saw the prodigal son way off in the distance, he didn't sit passively waiting for him to arrive. No, really He didn't. He actually ran to meet him, demonstrating how passionate he was about seeing him. God knows what habits and issues we need to let go of. He knows the right timing to help us confront them. He also knows that it's only in the safety of His arms that we'll be able to face those and release them once and for all.

So, in reality, my bad news is quite good news, after all. My son, who was lost, is now found and my home is once again on its way to being complete.

Now if we could just get our precious Ethiopian babies home...

About that... some more good news...

Our home study was officially approved by our social worker and our placement agency, Children's House International, Friday, Jan. 30th and Tuesday, Feb. 3, respectively. Our home study approves us to adopt 2-3 children under the age of 7. It was then sent off to the U.S. Department of Immigration so they could move forward in approving our I171H - the paperwork stating that the U.S. government considers us to be suitable adoptive parents. We now began the wait to receive our fingerprinting appointment. Yes, once again, we get to be fingerprinted. After all, once, twice, no, three times is just not enough! It seems every agency needs their own reassurance that you didn't just recently rob the neighborhood bank (although some may contemplate it when paying the monies involved for an adoption ;)) or take up flashing, as I wrote about earlier.

We received the official referral of our two siblings waiting in Ethiopia on Wednesday, Feb. 4! This was the same day that AWOP's director was traveling to ET bringing our packages and several others to the kids at the orphanages. This means that she can give them to the kids, tell them that they're from their new family waiting to bring them home, and get pictures of them receiving the gifts and photo albums.

I must admit, it's been rather comical to look at the completely blank looks on my family and friend's faces when I tell them excitedly that we got the referral. I know they're thinking... "and so?" Or perhaps, "Referred you for what?!" A referral, in the world of adoption, is an official assignment that will go to the Ethiopian government, upon our acceptance (since we have to have it notarized, we're doing that Monday) signaling that these precious two orphans have been assigned and chosen to be adopted by the True family. In the world of adoption, getting a referral is a HUGE thing. Adoptive parents can sometimes wait several months to years to receive a referral of a particular child. It's not because there are a lack of orphans by any means, but a whole host of other factors slowing down the adoption pipeline. Consider the fact that there are only so many spots in any one orphanage and as the paperwork has typically been taking longer to get an Ethiopian adoption completed, there are less spots for new orphans to enter the orphanage. That's only one reason of many as to why people might have to wait for a referral. This does not hold true, however for a child already waiting in an orphanage, as ours were, without a family to claim them and call them their own.

Have I mentioned yet that getting the mail around our house these days is something I look forward to like a kid looks forward to Christmas? Okay, maybe not Christmas, but definitely a school holiday. Christmas will be passing our court date... What new form, letter, approval will I get that I've been anxiously waiting for? Today, it was our fingerprinting appointment letter! Our appointment is set for Valentine's Day (this might just be TrueDad's and my big date although we'll be sharing it with Guy, since he's over 18 and must be fingerprinted, yet again, as well) early in the morning. They kind of make it sound like you can come on a different day at the same time and not have it be a problem. We're going to try this coming Tuesday morning...

We also found out this week that the orphanage the kids are at is moving into the city. This will be a huge move for all involved. The good news is that with the famine, it's been increasingly difficult to get adequate food and supplies into their current orphanage, several hours outside of the city. The facility they're moving to looks quite nice by ET standards and should be a much better situation.

Please pray for our beautiful babies during this transition. There are a couple of concerns I'm not free to talk about, but God knows what they are and we've experienced firsthand the amazing ways He moves when His people pray!

And now to close (I know... finally...) I admit, it's becoming harder and harder to keep an emotional arm's distance from these little, innocent ones. With the referral, we received another picture of each of them when they were first brought in to the orphanage. I can't begin to tell you how their eyes pierce right through me, melting my heart, calling up my protective instincts as God prepares me to be their mother. They're not ours until we pass court and yes, something could happen so that they don't become ours. But I find that I can't dwell in that alternate reality.

God is preparing our entire family to bring these babies into our fold. Now that we've chosen them, we have officially begun fighting for them and won't stop until that privilege is taken away. After all, if not us, who? Who will fight for these children? Who will wipe away their tears, show them how to tie their shoelaces, pray with them at night and hold them when they may feel lost and never let go? Lord, let it be me...

Amazima Ministries

I just found this amazing and beautiful woman's blog and ministry in Uganda. She is truly demonstrating what it means to be His hands and feet. I promise this will not leave you unaffected, but will leave you more than a little humbled...

http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/

Yeah, it's Superbowl.

Can you tell from my writing that my reverence for the game is slightly non-existent? Today, we have a group of youth over from our church and our home is filled with bursts of gut-laughs and whoops. Mostly during the breaks - yes, the commercials are inarguably one of the best parts of this American tradition - and during the card game going on with the ones who don't care about the game.

As I think about what's going on in with our family this Superbowl it causes me to look back and consider years gone by with other memorable Superbowl get-togethers. They seem to mark distinctive periods in our lives...

There was the year I was a freshman at Stanford University and they were hosting the Superbowl at their stadium. My friends and I were so pumped to go down and hang out around the excitement. I don't remember seeing any of the game on TV, nor did I see it live, but I had a great view of the outside of the stadium and the craziness before and after...

Then there was the game that our oldest son, Guy, was 13 months old and we had friends and family over - the first President Bush was in the white house. We had a magazine with his picture on the cover and Guy pointed to it and said, "Wook, George Bush!" I never did figure out how he knew that...

One year, TrueDad and I spent the Superbowl on an airplane back from Texas coming back from a church conference. We arrived just as the game ended at our friend's house, who had been watching our three kids for several days. I'm not sure if I asked who won, or who played for that matter.

Then there was the game following 9/11. I can remember watching the half-time show where the names of everyone lost in that tragedy scrolled down the screen. The names seemed to go on forever.

This year, as I listen to the sweet chaos fill my home, I recognize that I'm on the verge of inviting that chaos on a regular basis as we bring in a 3 and 1 year old permanently into our home! The games mark changes in our family's lives and they've also marked changes in me, personally, That first game we had people over, I know I cleaned like mad so if any guests needed to lick their dip off of the floor they could. Now, in my infinite wisdom as a mom, my cleaning strategy included having my oldest vacuum two days ago, and the other two tackling their cleaning chores after the game is over!

I've definitely become more easy-going as the years have gone by. I find myself more than ever just enjoying having friends and family in one place and knowing that they're having a blast with each other. Right now as I write this, 8 boys are enjoying their youth or re-living their youth (I'm just hopeful that my husband doesn't kill himself winning the title) as they re-enact plays they've seen on the screen, several girls are watching the boys, a few are playing cards and two are kind of watching the game. Even if the game's a bust, maybe I do like the Superbowl after all... well, I'm off to join in the fun (not to worry, I'm thinking about the cards or the girls watching the boys, not the game with the football on the street...)

Happy Superbowl to you all!