Posts
Yeah! the packages made it to Spokane, and now... on to Ethiopia! It's exciting to send things to the kids and really the whole orphanage. They don't get much there. I know the director of AWOP was telling me how excited she was that someone had donated a playset that would be set up at the orphanage soon - what fun for the kids!
Recently, I decided to do some fasting and it was wild to note my deteriorating thought processes as I it was getting later in the day. I don't know how many of you have experienced what I did, but I found myself as the fast moved on coming up with all these rationalizations why I should be done earlier than planned. After all, how am I supposed to prepare for my class I'm teaching if I can't think cuz I'm starving!?! And then it hit... oh yeah... that's what's going on every day around the world... and the reason so many children are being given up for adoption. So much hunger and despair - so many children who's brains don't fully develop because of malnutrition. I have the option any time to stop my fast and open the fridge (okay, so maybe it's not smart to do major shopping on the day you fast, or did the devil make me do it...) and get rid of ache in my belly. Somehow with my new perspective, fasting doesn't seem quite so difficult. Although I must admit, I don't know how Jesus did it for 40 days. Clearly, He demonstrated wisdom in choosing the desert for his hang-out - no refrigerator there!
My poor family - I do find that I shop with different eyes as I ask myself, "Are we really going to eat that?" The words of my mother come back to haunt me, "You better eat that. There are starving children in Africa." Yes, kids, I have turned into my mother. Mom, there could be no finer compliment anyone could give me!
I've heard of some adults who come over from poor nations standing in the middle of a supermarket and just crying. It must be so overwhelming.
It is sad to see so many businesses shut down with our economy, but I have to admit, it seems like it's time to streamline and simplify. Choice is a great thing and we're so fortunate to have so many of them every day. Maybe now we'll just make them a little wiser.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Yesterday I sent off the packages for the kids in ET. It was so much fun to pick out things we thought they would enjoy. The three year old boy will get hot wheels tonka toys, a stuffed animal, book, way cool "cars" t-shirt that lights up when you move and a photo album of us. The little 9 month old girl will receive a cute little hot pink outfit, soft blanket, rattle, stuffed animal and a small photo album she can chew on. She may as well get used to being up-close and personal with her new family! We also sent a similar package for their older sibling (without the pictures), because we couldn't stand the thought of him watching his brother and sister get presents while he got none! We also included an older, live worship cd we recorded at our last church after finding out that the orphanage had a cd player. We thought it'd be neat if they were able to hear what we sound like... after all, they'll be hearing lots of music when they get here - they might want to get used to it :).
We're really praying and hoping to receive our official referral of these precious ones before the gifts arrive, or at least while the director of the organization is in ET. That way we can get pictures and video of them receiving their gifts and seeing our pics for the first time.
Our home study needs to be completed and approved for that to happen. I found out yesterday that our social worker had some kind of family emergency and it was taking a little longer than planned. She did tell me that it should be finished at the end of next week and then they can send it to our placement agency for approval so the timing could work out.
We're really praying and hoping to receive our official referral of these precious ones before the gifts arrive, or at least while the director of the organization is in ET. That way we can get pictures and video of them receiving their gifts and seeing our pics for the first time.
Our home study needs to be completed and approved for that to happen. I found out yesterday that our social worker had some kind of family emergency and it was taking a little longer than planned. She did tell me that it should be finished at the end of next week and then they can send it to our placement agency for approval so the timing could work out.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
To See the Glory of God
A few days ago, C.J. and I were talking after school and he told me about an interesting "coincidence" that happened in his Christian club at school that day. They were talking about what they had learned the week before and it turns out that two of the girls from another church had studied the same passage that C.J. and another friend from youth group had studied that same week. He and I talked about how God often works that way - with a repeated message - when He wants us to get ahold of something in particular for our lives. Was it something for me as well? I decided to find out as I looked up the passage in question - James 2:14-26.
I find myself often asking as we embark on this quest... where do faith and common sense meet, or do they meet at all? James 2:14-26 tells us that faith without works is dead. He describes the faith of Abraham who, when asked to give up his son, Isaac, whom he had waited for and prayed about for numerous years, did not hesitate but did as God asked. In the end, God provided - but before He did, He needed to see if Abraham would trust him when nothing seemed to make sense. I feel like that a lot these days. It's an encouragement to me to be reminded that our faith needs to have action behind it in order to be considered real.
I've decided that in reality, this is usually a whole lot easier to read about than live out day to day. Okay, its relatively easy when the tide is going that way. When everyone around you seems to be moving in a similar direction, (so many of our friends have put the baby years behind them as we thought we had!) but what about when they're not. It's certainly not that we all need to be doing the same thing - but we better be following after the One who holds the world in the palm of His hand. He who gives and takes away, who knows our future and loves us beyond all we can ever comprehend.
We have a chance to send gifts to the kids. The director of AWOP is going to ET in February and will bring the gifts that we send to her for them. We can send them each a gallon-sized ziploc bag. It's become somewhat of a game to see just how much we can fit into each bag - we may have to staple them closed... They actually can't receive them until we get the official referral. I'm really praying that happens while she's there so she can videotape the kids opening their gifts. We're all so thrilled to have new pictures and video as our one picture is getting rather worn :)!
I find myself often asking as we embark on this quest... where do faith and common sense meet, or do they meet at all? James 2:14-26 tells us that faith without works is dead. He describes the faith of Abraham who, when asked to give up his son, Isaac, whom he had waited for and prayed about for numerous years, did not hesitate but did as God asked. In the end, God provided - but before He did, He needed to see if Abraham would trust him when nothing seemed to make sense. I feel like that a lot these days. It's an encouragement to me to be reminded that our faith needs to have action behind it in order to be considered real.
I've decided that in reality, this is usually a whole lot easier to read about than live out day to day. Okay, its relatively easy when the tide is going that way. When everyone around you seems to be moving in a similar direction, (so many of our friends have put the baby years behind them as we thought we had!) but what about when they're not. It's certainly not that we all need to be doing the same thing - but we better be following after the One who holds the world in the palm of His hand. He who gives and takes away, who knows our future and loves us beyond all we can ever comprehend.
We have a chance to send gifts to the kids. The director of AWOP is going to ET in February and will bring the gifts that we send to her for them. We can send them each a gallon-sized ziploc bag. It's become somewhat of a game to see just how much we can fit into each bag - we may have to staple them closed... They actually can't receive them until we get the official referral. I'm really praying that happens while she's there so she can videotape the kids opening their gifts. We're all so thrilled to have new pictures and video as our one picture is getting rather worn :)!
In the packages are included photo albums of our family. I realize the great contrast when I see the pictures of us surrounded by our comfortable home and friends and then look at the kids sitting on the floor of the orphanage. We all have smiles on our faces - there's not a hint of a smile on the kids' faces. I wonder constantly what they've been through...
Funny, but I've started shopping at WalMart. The kids laughed the first time I came home with my Walmart bags in tow. I was never really thrilled to shop there before - its always so crowded and the parking is soo farrr awayyyy. Somehow I find myself embracing any way that I can save money, not only because every dollar counts these days, but because I'm not real comfortable with the idea of being extravagant.
While I was there last week, I came across an older woman, who was holding onto her cart pretty heavily as she was struggling to read the sign on the juice container. She asked me to tell her if what she was holding was orange juice. She explained that the helper she usually comes with wasn't able to make it today and she couldn't read the packages very well. After I informed her that she was looking at mango punch not orange juice and helped her find what she wanted I watched her walk off to find the next item.
I'm embarrassed to admit that when the thought came into my head that I should offer my help, I immediately came up with the excuse of how much shopping I had to do with little time - she probably wouldn't want my help anyway. Thankfully, I couldn't go on that way and after watching her struggle for a few seconds with the milk, I approached her and asked her if she would let me help her get the rest of the items on her list. She gratefully handed me her list as she tried to read it with her extremely large magnifying glass.
We went to the next few aisles to find the rest of her list. There were only three other things on her list - it probably only took 10 minutes. As we said our goodbyes, she grabbed my hand and told me with tears in her eyes how thankful she was to me for my help. All I could think about was how blessed I was to have the opportunity to help her and how ashamed I was that I almost missed it. I wonder just how many blessings I've missed out on because I was "too busy."
In keeping with my "busyness" I find that I often relate to Martha, Jesus friend. I was reading about her the other day when she was face to face with Jesus after her brother, Lazarus, had been in the grave for 4 days. Jesus had been out of town when Lazarus, his friend, had died. He knew that Lazarus was deathly ill cuz' his sisters had IM'd him (the painfully slow donkey network) yet he still chose not to come immediately, but several days later. He told his disciples that "the sickness wouldn't end in death" but would be for "God's glory." Of course, he didn't tell Mary and Martha that. Instead, they were confronted with the idea that Jesus may not have cared as much as He had professed since He let Lazarus die. And you've got to wonder what His disciples thought when they finally arrived at Lazarus grave and he had been dead for several days. Could Jesus have gotten it wrong after all???
When Jesus came, Martha ran out to meet Him while Mary stayed at home. (This is my soul sister in true form - always on the move, feeling like there's so much still to get done, how can you just sit - yet I'm always striving to be like Mary who sat at Jesus feet and simply listened to and adored Him...) She also told Jesus when she saw Him that although she knew that her brother wouldn't have died if Jesus had been there, she believed that God would give Jesus whatever He asked. She really seems to express faith at this point, yet wavers a bit later when asked to put it into action.
Jesus, knowing He's going to raise Lazarus to life once again, asks Martha to live her faith by moving the stone in front of the tomb. Martha can't help but interject here, "Ummm, Jesus? Remember, it's been four days - not smelling so good right now!" I love Jesus response here as He gives such a gentle reminder, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?"
Do I honestly want to see God's glory, cuz' the road to get there is often fraught with heartache, deep questions and wondering if we've been abandoned along the way? Guy just told me that he was encouraging the youth group to run the race with perseverance as it states in Hebrews 12:1-2 and fixing "our eyes on Jesus the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross." What great comfort that the God we serve doesn't ask us to go any place He hasn't been. And, ultimately the place we're going to is filled with joy and God's glory!
When I look into the pictures I'm sending and see the faces of my kids at home, my beautiful kids in Ethiopia - and remember the woman at Walmart - I am confronted with the bold, indescribable glory of God and there's no turning back.
Our social worker is finishing our home study now. I'm hoping to hear something tomorrow or for sure at the beginning of next week. Then we can send it off to immigration so they can finish our I-600 Visa. I just found out today that we have to be fingerprinted yet again so we can get statewide police clearances this time to submit with our dossier. Gotta love the paperwork!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Where Is Our Treasure?
And so to continue what happened as I began to research...
I began to look at what are called "waiting child" photolists. This is a list you can subscribe to, with particular agencies, of children who are currently in orphanages waiting for someone to adopt them. You see, as you pursue adoption you can go about it a couple of different ways. Many people adopting are only interested in infants and there is usually a wait to get a referral for an infant. In Ethiopia, that wait can range from 2 - 24 months, depending on the agency one chooses to work with. On the other hand, sibling groups, older children and special needs children are much harder to place and they may never find a forever family. Because of this, some agencies put together listings of these beautiful children to help them find a loving home.
When we were deciding what age and gender the children should be that we would adopt into our home, we had to look at our existing family first. Might I add here... what an odd thought it is to even think about choosing the gender of any child. After all, we certainly had no say about our biological children. Sidebar - we actually did "try" for a girl with our daughter and, viola, we had a daughter. She was our second child and we had opted to go that route so that if we didn't want to have more children after her, we wouldn't feel obligated as we were really hoping to have both a boy and girl in our family (besides us, that is). It's pretty funny to look back on that scenario now... "Experts" will tell you that when adopting you should go after what you really think will work best in your home. This is supposed to result in a deeper level of satisfaction once the children are in your home. I'm sure that's all very true, but clearly, there's such a need, we wanted to be as flexible as possible.
After several family discussions, we all thought that having at least one girl would be a good idea. As I mentioned earlier, Sissy had always wanted a sister and I was beginning to notice that on family outings, the boys were outnumbering the girls, which can have a severe impact on family dynamics -for instance, do we have to see the "guy" movie, or, why doesn't a shopping trip to the city sound fun to everyone??? We went to S.F. last year for the day before going back to the school "grind." After a couple of hours, when Dad and C.J. were doing whatever it is they do in the shopping district and Sissy and I were checking out some of the stores we don't have here, I turned to her and said, "Oh my. What am I going to do when you're out of the house and I'm left with the boys?! You're going to have to come home if we ever go shopping again!" Albeit, we can all see the value in having another girl in the house to even things out a bit :).
We also thought, however, how much fun it would be to have another boy around. We've had such a great time with our boys (they were both definitely easier through the jr. high years!) we were quite open to that as well. I love the conversation I had with C.J. a couple of weeks ago. We were talking about the fact that we were really doing this - I must admit, a little mind-blowing for all of us at times - and I asked him how he felt about it. (We continually take the pulse of the kids at different stages of the process to see if there are things we need to get out in the open.) I specifically asked how he thought he would feel about not being the youngest anymore and losing his "baby of the family" status. He said, "I've been wanting to be an older brother for a long time. I want to be a role model." (Is it alright to admit at that point how my heart melted on the floorboards of my car right then and there?) "I know they'll probably look up to me like I look up to Guy - at least I hope they will - and I'm ready to experience that. I think I'll be a really good big brother." C.J., we know you will.
Then there was the conversation about should we have one or two? Siblings, or unrelated? After seeking counsel from those who've charted this course before, we decided on two siblings for several reasons. 1) There could be such a large gap between C.J. and the new child, we didn't want the new one to feel like an only child. 2) Two can often be better than one as they keep each other entertained. 3) Coming from a different culture, they'll always have at least one other person they can relate to. 4) They've usually learned how to attach - at least to the other sibling - which helps tremendously with attaching to their new family.
Most of our friends know that TrueDad was adopted at six months old. He had been in a foster home for the first six months of his life and thankfully, according to the social worker's report and his new parents, he was a very well-adjusted and happy baby. We are so thankful for the love and care he must have received in those first six months. That helped to lay the foundation that his parents built on when he came into their home. They were and continue to be such amazing parents, and gave him such a strong base of love and support from which to become a truly great friend, husband, father and pastor. We will be eternally grateful that they adopted him and continue to call him their own son giving him the same rights as their biological children from day one. As TrueDad said early in the decision-process, "How can I not seriously consider this, being adopted myself and having it turn out so well!" Mom True and Dad True, thank you thank you for giving my husband all you have given him throughout his life - our family and many others have reaped the benefits of what you have so painstakingly and lovingly sown.
I can remember the night our eldest was born so well, for several reasons... the ginormous epidural needle they stuck me with three times cuz they couldn't get it through my back, the Dr. using the vacuum to pull him out and bracing his feet on the table while he pulled, and the way he felt in my arms as I held him throughout some of the night. There were a few hours, however when they had him stay in the nursery so I could get some uninterrupted rest. I found out the next morning that TrueDad stared through the window at Guy for three hours straight! As he described it to me, "This was the very first time I had ever seen someone related to me and I couldn't take my eyes off him..." I love the fact that our adopted siblings will always have at least another person that may have similar features, characteristics and share the same history.
So, at this point, we were going for two siblings under the age of five, with one of them being a girl. We were fine if the other one was either a boy or girl. As I began to look at the photolistings, my heart would continually rip a little as I viewed the hundreds (those were the only ones that I could see, in reality there are many many more than this waiting for a forever home) of children waiting eagerly for someone to call them their own. Here's another blogger dad who puts it really well after a visit to Ethiopia to pick up their newly adopted child - http://welovebigfamilies.blogspot.com/2008_03_01_archive.html - check out the journal entry of March 8. He experienced firsthand the pain in a child's eyes as they realized that they belong to no one.
I'm looking at these lists and honestly, all the kids are calling out to me in some way. But one set of siblings looked directly into my eyes and cried out in a way that I couldn't deny. It was rather strange, but I had the feeling like I was looking into my own kids' eyes and they were in distress. It was a powerful feeling and one that motivated me enough to make the call to find out more about them. Sometimes these lists can be rather old and not updated and so the children are not really available at all. C.J. and I were off to the dentist that morning, but I showed him the kids before we left saying, "Those are our kids - let's start praying right now as I wait to hear back about them." I also texted Sissy to tell her to begin praying as well.
A couple of hours later, the director of AWOP - African Widows and Orphans Project - contacted me to tell me that indeed, these children were available and had already gone through the process to become paper-ready - they had been designated by the Ethiopian government to be official orphans and their medical testing to this point had shown that they were healthy. They are a three year old boy and a 9 month old girl. Unfortunately, we're not allowed to share pictures or any identifying information at this point. We are required to wait until they go through court and officially become a part of our family. They have an older sibling as well who is six and considered unadoptable by the region they're from as that region only allows children under the age of five to be adopted. At this point, they are leary of children being adopted for "slave labor." The director of AWOP will be meeting with officials from the region and showing them portfolios of several families who have successfully adopted older children and the love they are experiencing in their new homes. Please pray for her and this child as well as all the other children currently in the orphanages in this region - our hearts break for them.
Now, because we've identified the children we want to adopt, we are having to fast track the process. Each agency that we're working with doesn't want to see these children stay in an orphanage any longer than they have to so they're working with us to try to expedite the process. This does not help the governmental agencies however, as they all have their own timeline and agenda! Here's the list of things that have to happen in order for the adoption to be completed:
1) Complete an international home study
2) Obtain home study approval from Children's House International (this is the placement agency licensed in Ethiopia that AWOP utilizes for all the paperwork)
3) Obtain a I-600 from the US department of immigration approving us to adopt internationally
4) Officially receive the referral for the siblings
5) Complete our dossier (this is an intensive set of notarized documents including the home study and I-600 approval that eventually ends up in Ethiopia that they use to approve the adoption of the siblings)
6) Wait for a court date to finalize the adoption - this can take any from 6 - 20 weeks to receive at this point. The courts are somewhat backed up and are moving rather slowly.
7) Pass court (Many people are "failing" court the first, second and third times recently. Ethiopia has recently changed some of the paperwork requirements, which is causing delays. It almost always has nothing to do with the parents. If that happens then a new court date is issued which can be anywhere from 1-8 weeks out.)
8) Receive a travel date - usually 2-4 weeks out
9) Travel to Ethiopia for about a week to pick up our new children! This projected date could be as early as early summer to as late as toward the end of 2009, depending on all the above timelines.
We have now applied to the immigration office and are waiting for their approval (this can take 6+ weeks in our area) and have already completed meetings with the social worker for the home study. She is currently writing up our study and will have it completed this week. It then has to be approved by CHI, our placement agency.
Thankfully, all went well with our social worker. We had so much we had to put together for that process - medical reports, financial statements, reference letters, school reports for the kids, department of justice and FBI clearances, employment verifications, tax returns and certified copies of birth and marriage certificates. Indeed, it can be a bit overwhelming, but I'm glad that they look into each adoptive parents' lives carefully as it is, no doubt, a big responsibility to raise kids. Can you imagine if everyone had to go through this process to have children biologically!? I wonder how many kids there would be...
Because our process is being expedited, it also means that the fees required are also expedited. This doesn't always work out so conveniently! While this can cause some fear, its caused us to go back to the Lord for confirmation that we're moving in the right direction. It's been quite amazing to be lead by Him right now. I honestly can't recall a time when I've heard from Him so loudly or clearly. I think He must know that we need that as we move forward. I'll recount a little bit of how He's being directing us...
A couple of nights after identifying the children, a couple of things happened which caused some misgivings - especially when considering the state of our economy. Honestly, its easy to think that financially, there would be a better time to pursue adoption - why now? There's always a more convenient time to have kids. We had our oldest son one and a half years after we were married at only 23 years old. While we were not very financially stable at that point, I wouldn't trade having him (or the other two for that matter!) at that time for anything. There's also the aspect that if everyone had that attitude, there would be that many more orphans with no homes to go to and then no room in the orphanages to care for those who have no where to go, and so on.
I decided to look at the passage in the Bible in Matthew that talks about God caring for the lilies of the field and how much more He would care for us, to see if there was anything in particular that jumped out at me, as well as to notice if there was something that would show me that God was telling us to wait. As I opened my Bible in the direction of Matthew, it literally fell open to Luke. I try not to play the roulette game every time I open the Word as God directing me, but I couldn't help but look at the passage before I turned the few pages to take me to Matthew. I have to admit that I was a little in shock as I realized I was looking at the companion passage to the one I intended to look up in Matthew. I was reading in the NASB and this is what it said:
Passage Luke 12:27-34:
27"Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; but I tell you, not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these.
28"But if God so clothes the grass in the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, how much more will He clothe you? You men of little faith!
29"And do not seek what you will eat and what you will drink, and do not keep worrying.
30"For all these things the nations of the world eagerly seek; but your Father knows that you need these things.
31"But seek for His kingdom, and these things will be added to you.
32"Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has chosen gladly to give you the kingdom.
33"Sell your possessions and give to charity; make yourselves purses which do not wear out, an unfailing treasure in heaven, where no thief comes near nor moth destroys.
34"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
It was like Jesus was talking directly to me. He was dealing with every fear I was encountering and showing me His response to it. He also lead me this particular passage that not only confirmed the message in Matthew but went a little beyond it as verses 32-34 are not contained in the Matthew version of the story. Here were some of my "aha's" as I read through it:
1) God takes care of us better than we can care for ourselves - no use spinning my wheels worrying as its so easy to do at times.
2) When I worry, I'm admitting that I'm person of "little faith." If there's any characteristic I want to have, its to have a heart reliant on Him and to be found faithful by my Father in heaven.
3) Its natural that the world will worry and stress about storing up treasures here on earth. This is not our responsibility as children of God with a citizenship in heaven. I can relate to this with my own children - I would never never let them go hungry or be without the things they need. One of the things we learned early on from my parents in a parenting class, was that one of the best things we could do for our kids would be to know them really well. As we know them, we understand what they really need and are able to provide them with it. My heavenly father knows me better than anyone ever could - He knows exactly what I need when I need it - I can trust Him explicitly.
4) I could really relate to this version of this verse... "Seek for His kingdom" as this is what I feel we are doing in seeking after these children. It's not just seeking His kingdom but for it. I can't help but remember the verse where Jesus rebuked his disciples as they tried to send away the children who were coming after Jesus. He said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven," Mt. 19:14. He also said in Mt. 18:3"Unless you are converted and become like children, you shall not enter the kingdom of heaven." Clearly, in Jesus' eyes, children are inextricably linked to the kingdom of heaven.
5) Verse 32 has become somewhat of a banner verse for me. I love the phrase "little flock." The picture of us as sheep, utterly dependent on the shepherd and His leading is beautiful. He doesn't just give us the kingdom as we follow Him, He does it gladly. It is His joy to provide for His children and I believe that He will always make a way as we seek to make a home for His children around the globe.
6) As I read this next part, I have to admit that my jaw actually dropped a couple of centimeters as I realized intimately that He not only doesn't want to us to worry about the financial logistics, He asks to take it a step further and give away what we have. I know this is counter-intuitive to the world's perspective that we need to continually put away for retirement and have a secure nest egg. I'm not promoting not doing that, I'm just realizing that this should be the smaller of our concerns in a world filled with hunger and poverty. There is no treasure comparable to the one that resides in heaven as we give out of sacrifice and care about the things that truly matter to God. I am continually humbled that I haven't done more...
7) As I read the final verse, it really seemed to put a special finishing touch on the process God was taking me on. I had mentioned in the previous post that I had been praying to have a heart like God's - to really care about the things that He does. I recognized that as I seek after the things that matter to Him and trust Him for the provision, my heart will be there as well.
God is so good to meet us where we're at and speak to us so intimately.
A couple of days later, I was once again coming before Him, just wanting to make sure that we were hearing Him correctly. I decided to look up the cross reference to the second half of verse 32 in the above passage; the part about "for your Father has chosen gladly to give you the kingdom," in an effort to see what else I could learn about it. I was astounded to see that it took me to Eph. 1:5, which reads, "He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will." How amazing that the verse I took such comfort in (32) related to us being adopted as children by God.
Adoption is God's plan and design. We were not born into His family in the traditional sense, but because we have been adopted as sons and daughters, we now have full rights and an inheritance as His children. As we've moved farther along in this process, I can't help but imagine a little bit of what God must have felt as He made the choice to bring us into His family. The Bible says that adopting us was according to the "kind intention of His will" so clearly, He made a choice versus being obligated. The way was paved through His biological Son who had to make the ultimate sacrifice. We were obtained at a great cost. He knew what this cost would be ahead of time. It was not convenient, and yet, he still chose to go forward, believing that we are worth it... because of His deep love for us.
I began to look at what are called "waiting child" photolists. This is a list you can subscribe to, with particular agencies, of children who are currently in orphanages waiting for someone to adopt them. You see, as you pursue adoption you can go about it a couple of different ways. Many people adopting are only interested in infants and there is usually a wait to get a referral for an infant. In Ethiopia, that wait can range from 2 - 24 months, depending on the agency one chooses to work with. On the other hand, sibling groups, older children and special needs children are much harder to place and they may never find a forever family. Because of this, some agencies put together listings of these beautiful children to help them find a loving home.
When we were deciding what age and gender the children should be that we would adopt into our home, we had to look at our existing family first. Might I add here... what an odd thought it is to even think about choosing the gender of any child. After all, we certainly had no say about our biological children. Sidebar - we actually did "try" for a girl with our daughter and, viola, we had a daughter. She was our second child and we had opted to go that route so that if we didn't want to have more children after her, we wouldn't feel obligated as we were really hoping to have both a boy and girl in our family (besides us, that is). It's pretty funny to look back on that scenario now... "Experts" will tell you that when adopting you should go after what you really think will work best in your home. This is supposed to result in a deeper level of satisfaction once the children are in your home. I'm sure that's all very true, but clearly, there's such a need, we wanted to be as flexible as possible.
After several family discussions, we all thought that having at least one girl would be a good idea. As I mentioned earlier, Sissy had always wanted a sister and I was beginning to notice that on family outings, the boys were outnumbering the girls, which can have a severe impact on family dynamics -for instance, do we have to see the "guy" movie, or, why doesn't a shopping trip to the city sound fun to everyone??? We went to S.F. last year for the day before going back to the school "grind." After a couple of hours, when Dad and C.J. were doing whatever it is they do in the shopping district and Sissy and I were checking out some of the stores we don't have here, I turned to her and said, "Oh my. What am I going to do when you're out of the house and I'm left with the boys?! You're going to have to come home if we ever go shopping again!" Albeit, we can all see the value in having another girl in the house to even things out a bit :).We also thought, however, how much fun it would be to have another boy around. We've had such a great time with our boys (they were both definitely easier through the jr. high years!) we were quite open to that as well. I love the conversation I had with C.J. a couple of weeks ago. We were talking about the fact that we were really doing this - I must admit, a little mind-blowing for all of us at times - and I asked him how he felt about it. (We continually take the pulse of the kids at different stages of the process to see if there are things we need to get out in the open.) I specifically asked how he thought he would feel about not being the youngest anymore and losing his "baby of the family" status. He said, "I've been wanting to be an older brother for a long time. I want to be a role model." (Is it alright to admit at that point how my heart melted on the floorboards of my car right then and there?) "I know they'll probably look up to me like I look up to Guy - at least I hope they will - and I'm ready to experience that. I think I'll be a really good big brother." C.J., we know you will.
Then there was the conversation about should we have one or two? Siblings, or unrelated? After seeking counsel from those who've charted this course before, we decided on two siblings for several reasons. 1) There could be such a large gap between C.J. and the new child, we didn't want the new one to feel like an only child. 2) Two can often be better than one as they keep each other entertained. 3) Coming from a different culture, they'll always have at least one other person they can relate to. 4) They've usually learned how to attach - at least to the other sibling - which helps tremendously with attaching to their new family.
Most of our friends know that TrueDad was adopted at six months old. He had been in a foster home for the first six months of his life and thankfully, according to the social worker's report and his new parents, he was a very well-adjusted and happy baby. We are so thankful for the love and care he must have received in those first six months. That helped to lay the foundation that his parents built on when he came into their home. They were and continue to be such amazing parents, and gave him such a strong base of love and support from which to become a truly great friend, husband, father and pastor. We will be eternally grateful that they adopted him and continue to call him their own son giving him the same rights as their biological children from day one. As TrueDad said early in the decision-process, "How can I not seriously consider this, being adopted myself and having it turn out so well!" Mom True and Dad True, thank you thank you for giving my husband all you have given him throughout his life - our family and many others have reaped the benefits of what you have so painstakingly and lovingly sown.
I can remember the night our eldest was born so well, for several reasons... the ginormous epidural needle they stuck me with three times cuz they couldn't get it through my back, the Dr. using the vacuum to pull him out and bracing his feet on the table while he pulled, and the way he felt in my arms as I held him throughout some of the night. There were a few hours, however when they had him stay in the nursery so I could get some uninterrupted rest. I found out the next morning that TrueDad stared through the window at Guy for three hours straight! As he described it to me, "This was the very first time I had ever seen someone related to me and I couldn't take my eyes off him..." I love the fact that our adopted siblings will always have at least another person that may have similar features, characteristics and share the same history.
So, at this point, we were going for two siblings under the age of five, with one of them being a girl. We were fine if the other one was either a boy or girl. As I began to look at the photolistings, my heart would continually rip a little as I viewed the hundreds (those were the only ones that I could see, in reality there are many many more than this waiting for a forever home) of children waiting eagerly for someone to call them their own. Here's another blogger dad who puts it really well after a visit to Ethiopia to pick up their newly adopted child - http://welovebigfamilies.blogspot.com/2008_03_01_archive.html - check out the journal entry of March 8. He experienced firsthand the pain in a child's eyes as they realized that they belong to no one.
I'm looking at these lists and honestly, all the kids are calling out to me in some way. But one set of siblings looked directly into my eyes and cried out in a way that I couldn't deny. It was rather strange, but I had the feeling like I was looking into my own kids' eyes and they were in distress. It was a powerful feeling and one that motivated me enough to make the call to find out more about them. Sometimes these lists can be rather old and not updated and so the children are not really available at all. C.J. and I were off to the dentist that morning, but I showed him the kids before we left saying, "Those are our kids - let's start praying right now as I wait to hear back about them." I also texted Sissy to tell her to begin praying as well.
A couple of hours later, the director of AWOP - African Widows and Orphans Project - contacted me to tell me that indeed, these children were available and had already gone through the process to become paper-ready - they had been designated by the Ethiopian government to be official orphans and their medical testing to this point had shown that they were healthy. They are a three year old boy and a 9 month old girl. Unfortunately, we're not allowed to share pictures or any identifying information at this point. We are required to wait until they go through court and officially become a part of our family. They have an older sibling as well who is six and considered unadoptable by the region they're from as that region only allows children under the age of five to be adopted. At this point, they are leary of children being adopted for "slave labor." The director of AWOP will be meeting with officials from the region and showing them portfolios of several families who have successfully adopted older children and the love they are experiencing in their new homes. Please pray for her and this child as well as all the other children currently in the orphanages in this region - our hearts break for them.
Now, because we've identified the children we want to adopt, we are having to fast track the process. Each agency that we're working with doesn't want to see these children stay in an orphanage any longer than they have to so they're working with us to try to expedite the process. This does not help the governmental agencies however, as they all have their own timeline and agenda! Here's the list of things that have to happen in order for the adoption to be completed:
1) Complete an international home study
2) Obtain home study approval from Children's House International (this is the placement agency licensed in Ethiopia that AWOP utilizes for all the paperwork)
3) Obtain a I-600 from the US department of immigration approving us to adopt internationally
4) Officially receive the referral for the siblings
5) Complete our dossier (this is an intensive set of notarized documents including the home study and I-600 approval that eventually ends up in Ethiopia that they use to approve the adoption of the siblings)
6) Wait for a court date to finalize the adoption - this can take any from 6 - 20 weeks to receive at this point. The courts are somewhat backed up and are moving rather slowly.
7) Pass court (Many people are "failing" court the first, second and third times recently. Ethiopia has recently changed some of the paperwork requirements, which is causing delays. It almost always has nothing to do with the parents. If that happens then a new court date is issued which can be anywhere from 1-8 weeks out.)
8) Receive a travel date - usually 2-4 weeks out
9) Travel to Ethiopia for about a week to pick up our new children! This projected date could be as early as early summer to as late as toward the end of 2009, depending on all the above timelines.
We have now applied to the immigration office and are waiting for their approval (this can take 6+ weeks in our area) and have already completed meetings with the social worker for the home study. She is currently writing up our study and will have it completed this week. It then has to be approved by CHI, our placement agency.
Thankfully, all went well with our social worker. We had so much we had to put together for that process - medical reports, financial statements, reference letters, school reports for the kids, department of justice and FBI clearances, employment verifications, tax returns and certified copies of birth and marriage certificates. Indeed, it can be a bit overwhelming, but I'm glad that they look into each adoptive parents' lives carefully as it is, no doubt, a big responsibility to raise kids. Can you imagine if everyone had to go through this process to have children biologically!? I wonder how many kids there would be...
Because our process is being expedited, it also means that the fees required are also expedited. This doesn't always work out so conveniently! While this can cause some fear, its caused us to go back to the Lord for confirmation that we're moving in the right direction. It's been quite amazing to be lead by Him right now. I honestly can't recall a time when I've heard from Him so loudly or clearly. I think He must know that we need that as we move forward. I'll recount a little bit of how He's being directing us...
A couple of nights after identifying the children, a couple of things happened which caused some misgivings - especially when considering the state of our economy. Honestly, its easy to think that financially, there would be a better time to pursue adoption - why now? There's always a more convenient time to have kids. We had our oldest son one and a half years after we were married at only 23 years old. While we were not very financially stable at that point, I wouldn't trade having him (or the other two for that matter!) at that time for anything. There's also the aspect that if everyone had that attitude, there would be that many more orphans with no homes to go to and then no room in the orphanages to care for those who have no where to go, and so on.
I decided to look at the passage in the Bible in Matthew that talks about God caring for the lilies of the field and how much more He would care for us, to see if there was anything in particular that jumped out at me, as well as to notice if there was something that would show me that God was telling us to wait. As I opened my Bible in the direction of Matthew, it literally fell open to Luke. I try not to play the roulette game every time I open the Word as God directing me, but I couldn't help but look at the passage before I turned the few pages to take me to Matthew. I have to admit that I was a little in shock as I realized I was looking at the companion passage to the one I intended to look up in Matthew. I was reading in the NASB and this is what it said:
Passage Luke 12:27-34:
27"Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; but I tell you, not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these.
28"But if God so clothes the grass in the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, how much more will He clothe you? You men of little faith!
29"And do not seek what you will eat and what you will drink, and do not keep worrying.
30"For all these things the nations of the world eagerly seek; but your Father knows that you need these things.
31"But seek for His kingdom, and these things will be added to you.
32"Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has chosen gladly to give you the kingdom.
33"Sell your possessions and give to charity; make yourselves purses which do not wear out, an unfailing treasure in heaven, where no thief comes near nor moth destroys.
34"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
It was like Jesus was talking directly to me. He was dealing with every fear I was encountering and showing me His response to it. He also lead me this particular passage that not only confirmed the message in Matthew but went a little beyond it as verses 32-34 are not contained in the Matthew version of the story. Here were some of my "aha's" as I read through it:
1) God takes care of us better than we can care for ourselves - no use spinning my wheels worrying as its so easy to do at times.
2) When I worry, I'm admitting that I'm person of "little faith." If there's any characteristic I want to have, its to have a heart reliant on Him and to be found faithful by my Father in heaven.
3) Its natural that the world will worry and stress about storing up treasures here on earth. This is not our responsibility as children of God with a citizenship in heaven. I can relate to this with my own children - I would never never let them go hungry or be without the things they need. One of the things we learned early on from my parents in a parenting class, was that one of the best things we could do for our kids would be to know them really well. As we know them, we understand what they really need and are able to provide them with it. My heavenly father knows me better than anyone ever could - He knows exactly what I need when I need it - I can trust Him explicitly.
4) I could really relate to this version of this verse... "Seek for His kingdom" as this is what I feel we are doing in seeking after these children. It's not just seeking His kingdom but for it. I can't help but remember the verse where Jesus rebuked his disciples as they tried to send away the children who were coming after Jesus. He said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven," Mt. 19:14. He also said in Mt. 18:3"Unless you are converted and become like children, you shall not enter the kingdom of heaven." Clearly, in Jesus' eyes, children are inextricably linked to the kingdom of heaven.
5) Verse 32 has become somewhat of a banner verse for me. I love the phrase "little flock." The picture of us as sheep, utterly dependent on the shepherd and His leading is beautiful. He doesn't just give us the kingdom as we follow Him, He does it gladly. It is His joy to provide for His children and I believe that He will always make a way as we seek to make a home for His children around the globe.
6) As I read this next part, I have to admit that my jaw actually dropped a couple of centimeters as I realized intimately that He not only doesn't want to us to worry about the financial logistics, He asks to take it a step further and give away what we have. I know this is counter-intuitive to the world's perspective that we need to continually put away for retirement and have a secure nest egg. I'm not promoting not doing that, I'm just realizing that this should be the smaller of our concerns in a world filled with hunger and poverty. There is no treasure comparable to the one that resides in heaven as we give out of sacrifice and care about the things that truly matter to God. I am continually humbled that I haven't done more...
7) As I read the final verse, it really seemed to put a special finishing touch on the process God was taking me on. I had mentioned in the previous post that I had been praying to have a heart like God's - to really care about the things that He does. I recognized that as I seek after the things that matter to Him and trust Him for the provision, my heart will be there as well.
God is so good to meet us where we're at and speak to us so intimately.
A couple of days later, I was once again coming before Him, just wanting to make sure that we were hearing Him correctly. I decided to look up the cross reference to the second half of verse 32 in the above passage; the part about "for your Father has chosen gladly to give you the kingdom," in an effort to see what else I could learn about it. I was astounded to see that it took me to Eph. 1:5, which reads, "He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will." How amazing that the verse I took such comfort in (32) related to us being adopted as children by God.
Adoption is God's plan and design. We were not born into His family in the traditional sense, but because we have been adopted as sons and daughters, we now have full rights and an inheritance as His children. As we've moved farther along in this process, I can't help but imagine a little bit of what God must have felt as He made the choice to bring us into His family. The Bible says that adopting us was according to the "kind intention of His will" so clearly, He made a choice versus being obligated. The way was paved through His biological Son who had to make the ultimate sacrifice. We were obtained at a great cost. He knew what this cost would be ahead of time. It was not convenient, and yet, he still chose to go forward, believing that we are worth it... because of His deep love for us.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
One Life, One Chance
Well, here goes... and so it begins. I've almost been afraid to commit it to - well i'd say paper, but this day and age I must say - keypad (although the grace of that phrase seems to get lost in the correct terminology) as its time to come out with our journey.
Yes, as you can see from the title on this blog, we've actually decided to pursue adopting two little ones from Ethiopia. As we've shared this with a few friends, its been rather humorous to gauge the reactions. They've ranged from, "Wow, really?" to looking really shocked (my favorite is when the eyes tend to bulge as they realize that we are indeed serious) to, "How wonderful. We're so excited for you."
We truly understand why some shock is involved. We are, after all, on the back nine of raising kids, as our youngest is now finishing up his two-year stint in middle school. Hah! It makes me laugh that for the last year I've been telling everyone how very glad I'll be to finally get out of Jr. High (I've decided that its definitely an entire family event when one child is in the pubescent world of middle school) when I'm now going to have the opportunity to do it again. Not just once, but twice!
In a sense, I've been celebrating and grieving as our youngest has been crossing milestones this last year into very young adulthood. His voice has dropped a couple of octaves in the last 2 months alone. I called the house the other day when he answered and I initially had to wonder who on earth had invaded our home! Alas, he doesn't sound like his sister anymore.
So, you might ask, how did it begin for us anyway? For the last couple of years, I've been overwhelmed with how very blessed our family is as I've watched all of the kids transition into such wonderful people to be around. We truly enjoy just hanging out together - laughing, making music and watching them make good decisions 93.5% of the time.
Some people have suggested that by bringing new children into our home we'll be changing the dynamic and potentially "messing things up." We tend to think of it like a dam. If you don't ever let the water flow out of the dam to feed the waters below, the dammed water will eventually stagnate and become unattractive and filled with algae. Ugh! Its only when the dam opens and the water is allowed to flow that it stays clear and healthy for all who may need it. We're ready to let the dam open up a bit further and let the blessings we've received flow further than we could have ever previously imagined.
A couple of months ago, our senior pastor at Grace Church, was teaching out of the first book in Isaiah and one passage in particular seemed to shout at me. It begins by God speaking to the Israelites about how their burnt sacrifices and assembling together gave Him no pleasure and, in fact, were detestable. He goes on to say that He would not listen to their prayers and that He would hide His eyes from them. You see, the Israelites at this time were only putting on a pretense of serving God - their actions said something else entirely. He goes on to say that they should stop doing wrong, learn to do right, seek justice, encourage the oppressed, defend the cause of the fatherless and plead the case of the widow. Although I had heard it before - many times - it especially struck me this time realizing that all of our church services and crying out to God mean absolutely nothing if we're not caring about the things that He cares about. It somehow became more personal for me at that moment and I recognized that unless I acted on it personally it was just talk and good intentions. We all know what the road to hell is paved with :}!
We began to pray about what this would mean for us, our family and our church. I'm grateful to be part of a church that doesn't take this mandate lightly. Grace is committed to meeting the needs of our community and loving people and we're continually looking for practical ways to do this. Watch out though, when you being to pray to have a heart after God's heart...
We have watched our pastors take in two little boys, aged 1 and 2 years old, from an extended family member who couldn't care for them. This drastically changed their life overnight as their older two were 12 & 14 at the time. I can remember thinking, "Do they really know what they're doing?" In hindsight, I don't think they really did fully know what they were getting into, nor did they need to because they were following after what God was calling them to. We've watched those boys change from a state of near comatose to vibrant, playful, healthy and loving toddlers now, a year later. What a transformation! They are now pursuing adoption and can use all your prayers in what is sure to be a challenging process.
Throughout the next several months I continually encountered people and situations where adoption was being discussed at some level. God didn't seem to be allowing it to leave my mind. At the same time, our younger two children have been fairly relentless as they thought we should pursue adoption as well. C.J.("blog names" have been given to each of us instead of our real ones throughout) has always wanted to be an older brother and Sissy has always wanted a sister. After having such a great relationship with my own sister, I have always been a little sad for her to not experience that.
Truly the turning point, however, seemed to be early in November on my way to an appointment. I was driving in the car and there was absolutely nothing good on the radio and I just happened to turn on the Christian talk radio station - which, quite honestly, I don't ever really tune into. They were discussing the problem of the vast numbers of orphans worldwide - there are an estimated 143 million - and what were some of the things the church could do about it. At that moment, I burst into tears. Okay, those of you who know me might say, "What's new?" But, honestly, I was sobbing the entire 30 minutes I was in the car. I was overwhelmed that we, as the greater church, and personally, weren't doing anything more significant about this issue and knew that that had to change. I felt very clearly at that moment that God was calling the True family to make it personal.
Its one thing to believe that you're supposed to do something, its another thing to actually take the steps to make it happen. I knew that if God was truly calling us to do this, then He would be leading the rest of the family the same way and it had to be from Him, not me! I briefly mentioned it to them, almost offhandedly and their reactions were priceless. It first came out when we talked about the car...
Several months earlier, we had sold our SUV to save on gas and allow TrueDad to drive around a fun, little convertible. He had always wanted me to drive the big car, which I was never really excited about. Have you ever tried to park one of those? Do you know just how hard it is to zip around town in an SUV? At any rate, we were realizing that even with only one of our kids without wheels (Seriously, our garage is like musical cars every night. With four drivers, we have 4 cars and only a 3-car tandem garage, and our HOA doesn't allow cars on the street LOL) we sorely missed the flexibility of a 7-seater. We'd pick up several of C.J.'s friends for youth group and run out of seats quickly... I knew that this was a hurdle that would have to be overcome if more children were going to be added to our family. Imagine my surprise when I found Eric looking at really big SUV's on the web. I told him that I would actually drive it if we could adopt - the whole family laughed until they realized that I was serious, and then had a variety of reactions. I was not in the least surprised when we purchased that really big SUV for an amazing price (larger than our previous one and much cheaper :)) as I knew in my heart that God was preparing our family step by step.
Over the next few weeks Sissy and C.J. began to watch for opportunities to "prime the pump" with their dad. I had already asked TrueDad to seriously pray about it and didn't dare bring it up in the meantime as I didn't ever want to push it. One night on Thanksgiving vacation, the four of us were at a mall and the subject of adopting came up again rather seriously (I didn't bring it up :)) and we were discussing the pros/cons. Simultaneously, we had decided to take in a movie and had decided on "Australia" when the fam asked me to read the description, which none of us were very familiar with. As I began to read aloud, I paused and got teary-eyed (surprise, surpise) and said, "Oh, this is a little funny - I'm sorry honey, I didn't plan this" as I went on to read about a boy who was orphaned and subsequently adopted by Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman. It was somewhere in there when TrueDad asked me, "How many orphans did you say there are worldwide?" "143 million," I replied, to which C.J. announced, "Come on, Dad. Let's make it 143 million minus two!" These type of family discussions happened frequently.
As TrueDad and I continued to have heartfelt discussions about the possibility he told me that he thought I better research more about it. That was all the permission I needed. In my research, we discovered all the countries that are open to international adoption as well as within our own country and continually, we felt pulled to Ethiopia. TrueDad spent a year in Africa in high school, with wonderful memories. During our engagement, we had planned on teaching at the mission school over there after we were married. In the end, we chose not to, in the effort of being practical and I'm not sure that we've ever completely let it go.
The culture in Ethiopia is incredibly rich. They had the longest reigning dynasty ever, beginning with Queen Sheba, during the time of Solomon (yes, the same one described in the Bible as bringing gifts to Solomon and being vastly impressed with his wealth and wisdom), and ending in 1974, when civil war began. Christianity was first brought there in the 3rd century and they claim to have the ark of the covenant in their country. The people, while extremely poor seem to have a tenacious hope and a loving culture.
Ethiopia's economy was decimated by their decades of civil war. I can remember watching the TV shows long ago where it seemed like endless streams of hungry people had no means of feeding themselves. It has remained a struggle for their society to thrive although recently, its become much worse, yet again. There has been another famine and in the last six months the price of food has tripled. In a society where there is not an abundance of money to begin with, many are at a loss to get ahold of the mere basics. For example, a pound of formula is equivalent to 24 dollars in U.S. currency in the city stores. Disease is widespread and many are falling prey to such diseases as HIV and Malaria.
As a result, many are desperate and unable to care for their children or their relative's children, which they are often left with if the parents succumb to disease. As a result the orphanages are overflowing and not able to take in other children who have no place else to go. Often in villages, children, sometimes as young as 8 or 9 are themselves taking care of their younger siblings as they struggle to survive. There is an estimated 4.5 - 6 million orphans in Ethiopia alone. How can we not reach out as a church and individuals, regardless of our geographical particulars and help meet this need?
K, Guy's girlfriend summed it up this way. We only have one life and one chance. That's it. That's all the time we have to make a difference on this earth. Regardless of our economic difficulties, we are still the richest nation on earth and have been given a responsibility to match that blessing. What are we going to do about it?
Yes, as you can see from the title on this blog, we've actually decided to pursue adopting two little ones from Ethiopia. As we've shared this with a few friends, its been rather humorous to gauge the reactions. They've ranged from, "Wow, really?" to looking really shocked (my favorite is when the eyes tend to bulge as they realize that we are indeed serious) to, "How wonderful. We're so excited for you."
We truly understand why some shock is involved. We are, after all, on the back nine of raising kids, as our youngest is now finishing up his two-year stint in middle school. Hah! It makes me laugh that for the last year I've been telling everyone how very glad I'll be to finally get out of Jr. High (I've decided that its definitely an entire family event when one child is in the pubescent world of middle school) when I'm now going to have the opportunity to do it again. Not just once, but twice!
In a sense, I've been celebrating and grieving as our youngest has been crossing milestones this last year into very young adulthood. His voice has dropped a couple of octaves in the last 2 months alone. I called the house the other day when he answered and I initially had to wonder who on earth had invaded our home! Alas, he doesn't sound like his sister anymore.
So, you might ask, how did it begin for us anyway? For the last couple of years, I've been overwhelmed with how very blessed our family is as I've watched all of the kids transition into such wonderful people to be around. We truly enjoy just hanging out together - laughing, making music and watching them make good decisions 93.5% of the time.
Some people have suggested that by bringing new children into our home we'll be changing the dynamic and potentially "messing things up." We tend to think of it like a dam. If you don't ever let the water flow out of the dam to feed the waters below, the dammed water will eventually stagnate and become unattractive and filled with algae. Ugh! Its only when the dam opens and the water is allowed to flow that it stays clear and healthy for all who may need it. We're ready to let the dam open up a bit further and let the blessings we've received flow further than we could have ever previously imagined.
A couple of months ago, our senior pastor at Grace Church, was teaching out of the first book in Isaiah and one passage in particular seemed to shout at me. It begins by God speaking to the Israelites about how their burnt sacrifices and assembling together gave Him no pleasure and, in fact, were detestable. He goes on to say that He would not listen to their prayers and that He would hide His eyes from them. You see, the Israelites at this time were only putting on a pretense of serving God - their actions said something else entirely. He goes on to say that they should stop doing wrong, learn to do right, seek justice, encourage the oppressed, defend the cause of the fatherless and plead the case of the widow. Although I had heard it before - many times - it especially struck me this time realizing that all of our church services and crying out to God mean absolutely nothing if we're not caring about the things that He cares about. It somehow became more personal for me at that moment and I recognized that unless I acted on it personally it was just talk and good intentions. We all know what the road to hell is paved with :}!
We began to pray about what this would mean for us, our family and our church. I'm grateful to be part of a church that doesn't take this mandate lightly. Grace is committed to meeting the needs of our community and loving people and we're continually looking for practical ways to do this. Watch out though, when you being to pray to have a heart after God's heart...
We have watched our pastors take in two little boys, aged 1 and 2 years old, from an extended family member who couldn't care for them. This drastically changed their life overnight as their older two were 12 & 14 at the time. I can remember thinking, "Do they really know what they're doing?" In hindsight, I don't think they really did fully know what they were getting into, nor did they need to because they were following after what God was calling them to. We've watched those boys change from a state of near comatose to vibrant, playful, healthy and loving toddlers now, a year later. What a transformation! They are now pursuing adoption and can use all your prayers in what is sure to be a challenging process.
Throughout the next several months I continually encountered people and situations where adoption was being discussed at some level. God didn't seem to be allowing it to leave my mind. At the same time, our younger two children have been fairly relentless as they thought we should pursue adoption as well. C.J.("blog names" have been given to each of us instead of our real ones throughout) has always wanted to be an older brother and Sissy has always wanted a sister. After having such a great relationship with my own sister, I have always been a little sad for her to not experience that.
Truly the turning point, however, seemed to be early in November on my way to an appointment. I was driving in the car and there was absolutely nothing good on the radio and I just happened to turn on the Christian talk radio station - which, quite honestly, I don't ever really tune into. They were discussing the problem of the vast numbers of orphans worldwide - there are an estimated 143 million - and what were some of the things the church could do about it. At that moment, I burst into tears. Okay, those of you who know me might say, "What's new?" But, honestly, I was sobbing the entire 30 minutes I was in the car. I was overwhelmed that we, as the greater church, and personally, weren't doing anything more significant about this issue and knew that that had to change. I felt very clearly at that moment that God was calling the True family to make it personal.
Its one thing to believe that you're supposed to do something, its another thing to actually take the steps to make it happen. I knew that if God was truly calling us to do this, then He would be leading the rest of the family the same way and it had to be from Him, not me! I briefly mentioned it to them, almost offhandedly and their reactions were priceless. It first came out when we talked about the car...
Several months earlier, we had sold our SUV to save on gas and allow TrueDad to drive around a fun, little convertible. He had always wanted me to drive the big car, which I was never really excited about. Have you ever tried to park one of those? Do you know just how hard it is to zip around town in an SUV? At any rate, we were realizing that even with only one of our kids without wheels (Seriously, our garage is like musical cars every night. With four drivers, we have 4 cars and only a 3-car tandem garage, and our HOA doesn't allow cars on the street LOL) we sorely missed the flexibility of a 7-seater. We'd pick up several of C.J.'s friends for youth group and run out of seats quickly... I knew that this was a hurdle that would have to be overcome if more children were going to be added to our family. Imagine my surprise when I found Eric looking at really big SUV's on the web. I told him that I would actually drive it if we could adopt - the whole family laughed until they realized that I was serious, and then had a variety of reactions. I was not in the least surprised when we purchased that really big SUV for an amazing price (larger than our previous one and much cheaper :)) as I knew in my heart that God was preparing our family step by step.
Over the next few weeks Sissy and C.J. began to watch for opportunities to "prime the pump" with their dad. I had already asked TrueDad to seriously pray about it and didn't dare bring it up in the meantime as I didn't ever want to push it. One night on Thanksgiving vacation, the four of us were at a mall and the subject of adopting came up again rather seriously (I didn't bring it up :)) and we were discussing the pros/cons. Simultaneously, we had decided to take in a movie and had decided on "Australia" when the fam asked me to read the description, which none of us were very familiar with. As I began to read aloud, I paused and got teary-eyed (surprise, surpise) and said, "Oh, this is a little funny - I'm sorry honey, I didn't plan this" as I went on to read about a boy who was orphaned and subsequently adopted by Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman. It was somewhere in there when TrueDad asked me, "How many orphans did you say there are worldwide?" "143 million," I replied, to which C.J. announced, "Come on, Dad. Let's make it 143 million minus two!" These type of family discussions happened frequently.
As TrueDad and I continued to have heartfelt discussions about the possibility he told me that he thought I better research more about it. That was all the permission I needed. In my research, we discovered all the countries that are open to international adoption as well as within our own country and continually, we felt pulled to Ethiopia. TrueDad spent a year in Africa in high school, with wonderful memories. During our engagement, we had planned on teaching at the mission school over there after we were married. In the end, we chose not to, in the effort of being practical and I'm not sure that we've ever completely let it go.
The culture in Ethiopia is incredibly rich. They had the longest reigning dynasty ever, beginning with Queen Sheba, during the time of Solomon (yes, the same one described in the Bible as bringing gifts to Solomon and being vastly impressed with his wealth and wisdom), and ending in 1974, when civil war began. Christianity was first brought there in the 3rd century and they claim to have the ark of the covenant in their country. The people, while extremely poor seem to have a tenacious hope and a loving culture.
Ethiopia's economy was decimated by their decades of civil war. I can remember watching the TV shows long ago where it seemed like endless streams of hungry people had no means of feeding themselves. It has remained a struggle for their society to thrive although recently, its become much worse, yet again. There has been another famine and in the last six months the price of food has tripled. In a society where there is not an abundance of money to begin with, many are at a loss to get ahold of the mere basics. For example, a pound of formula is equivalent to 24 dollars in U.S. currency in the city stores. Disease is widespread and many are falling prey to such diseases as HIV and Malaria.
As a result, many are desperate and unable to care for their children or their relative's children, which they are often left with if the parents succumb to disease. As a result the orphanages are overflowing and not able to take in other children who have no place else to go. Often in villages, children, sometimes as young as 8 or 9 are themselves taking care of their younger siblings as they struggle to survive. There is an estimated 4.5 - 6 million orphans in Ethiopia alone. How can we not reach out as a church and individuals, regardless of our geographical particulars and help meet this need?
K, Guy's girlfriend summed it up this way. We only have one life and one chance. That's it. That's all the time we have to make a difference on this earth. Regardless of our economic difficulties, we are still the richest nation on earth and have been given a responsibility to match that blessing. What are we going to do about it?
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