Where Is Our Treasure?

And so to continue what happened as I began to research...

I began to look at what are called "waiting child" photolists. This is a list you can subscribe to, with particular agencies, of children who are currently in orphanages waiting for someone to adopt them. You see, as you pursue adoption you can go about it a couple of different ways. Many people adopting are only interested in infants and there is usually a wait to get a referral for an infant. In Ethiopia, that wait can range from 2 - 24 months, depending on the agency one chooses to work with. On the other hand, sibling groups, older children and special needs children are much harder to place and they may never find a forever family. Because of this, some agencies put together listings of these beautiful children to help them find a loving home.

When we were deciding what age and gender the children should be that we would adopt into our home, we had to look at our existing family first. Might I add here... what an odd thought it is to even think about choosing the gender of any child. After all, we certainly had no say about our biological children. Sidebar - we actually did "try" for a girl with our daughter and, viola, we had a daughter. She was our second child and we had opted to go that route so that if we didn't want to have more children after her, we wouldn't feel obligated as we were really hoping to have both a boy and girl in our family (besides us, that is). It's pretty funny to look back on that scenario now... "Experts" will tell you that when adopting you should go after what you really think will work best in your home. This is supposed to result in a deeper level of satisfaction once the children are in your home. I'm sure that's all very true, but clearly, there's such a need, we wanted to be as flexible as possible.

After several family discussions, we all thought that having at least one girl would be a good idea. As I mentioned earlier, Sissy had always wanted a sister and I was beginning to notice that on family outings, the boys were outnumbering the girls, which can have a severe impact on family dynamics -for instance, do we have to see the "guy" movie, or, why doesn't a shopping trip to the city sound fun to everyone??? We went to S.F. last year for the day before going back to the school "grind." After a couple of hours, when Dad and C.J. were doing whatever it is they do in the shopping district and Sissy and I were checking out some of the stores we don't have here, I turned to her and said, "Oh my. What am I going to do when you're out of the house and I'm left with the boys?! You're going to have to come home if we ever go shopping again!" Albeit, we can all see the value in having another girl in the house to even things out a bit :).

We also thought, however, how much fun it would be to have another boy around. We've had such a great time with our boys (they were both definitely easier through the jr. high years!) we were quite open to that as well. I love the conversation I had with C.J. a couple of weeks ago. We were talking about the fact that we were really doing this - I must admit, a little mind-blowing for all of us at times - and I asked him how he felt about it. (We continually take the pulse of the kids at different stages of the process to see if there are things we need to get out in the open.) I specifically asked how he thought he would feel about not being the youngest anymore and losing his "baby of the family" status. He said, "I've been wanting to be an older brother for a long time. I want to be a role model." (Is it alright to admit at that point how my heart melted on the floorboards of my car right then and there?) "I know they'll probably look up to me like I look up to Guy - at least I hope they will - and I'm ready to experience that. I think I'll be a really good big brother." C.J., we know you will.

Then there was the conversation about should we have one or two? Siblings, or unrelated? After seeking counsel from those who've charted this course before, we decided on two siblings for several reasons. 1) There could be such a large gap between C.J. and the new child, we didn't want the new one to feel like an only child. 2) Two can often be better than one as they keep each other entertained. 3) Coming from a different culture, they'll always have at least one other person they can relate to. 4) They've usually learned how to attach - at least to the other sibling - which helps tremendously with attaching to their new family.

Most of our friends know that TrueDad was adopted at six months old. He had been in a foster home for the first six months of his life and thankfully, according to the social worker's report and his new parents, he was a very well-adjusted and happy baby. We are so thankful for the love and care he must have received in those first six months. That helped to lay the foundation that his parents built on when he came into their home. They were and continue to be such amazing parents, and gave him such a strong base of love and support from which to become a truly great friend, husband, father and pastor. We will be eternally grateful that they adopted him and continue to call him their own son giving him the same rights as their biological children from day one. As TrueDad said early in the decision-process, "How can I not seriously consider this, being adopted myself and having it turn out so well!" Mom True and Dad True, thank you thank you for giving my husband all you have given him throughout his life - our family and many others have reaped the benefits of what you have so painstakingly and lovingly sown.

I can remember the night our eldest was born so well, for several reasons... the ginormous epidural needle they stuck me with three times cuz they couldn't get it through my back, the Dr. using the vacuum to pull him out and bracing his feet on the table while he pulled, and the way he felt in my arms as I held him throughout some of the night. There were a few hours, however when they had him stay in the nursery so I could get some uninterrupted rest. I found out the next morning that TrueDad stared through the window at Guy for three hours straight! As he described it to me, "This was the very first time I had ever seen someone related to me and I couldn't take my eyes off him..." I love the fact that our adopted siblings will always have at least another person that may have similar features, characteristics and share the same history.

So, at this point, we were going for two siblings under the age of five, with one of them being a girl. We were fine if the other one was either a boy or girl. As I began to look at the photolistings, my heart would continually rip a little as I viewed the hundreds (those were the only ones that I could see, in reality there are many many more than this waiting for a forever home) of children waiting eagerly for someone to call them their own. Here's another blogger dad who puts it really well after a visit to Ethiopia to pick up their newly adopted child - http://welovebigfamilies.blogspot.com/2008_03_01_archive.html - check out the journal entry of March 8. He experienced firsthand the pain in a child's eyes as they realized that they belong to no one.

I'm looking at these lists and honestly, all the kids are calling out to me in some way. But one set of siblings looked directly into my eyes and cried out in a way that I couldn't deny. It was rather strange, but I had the feeling like I was looking into my own kids' eyes and they were in distress. It was a powerful feeling and one that motivated me enough to make the call to find out more about them. Sometimes these lists can be rather old and not updated and so the children are not really available at all. C.J. and I were off to the dentist that morning, but I showed him the kids before we left saying, "Those are our kids - let's start praying right now as I wait to hear back about them." I also texted Sissy to tell her to begin praying as well.

A couple of hours later, the director of AWOP - African Widows and Orphans Project - contacted me to tell me that indeed, these children were available and had already gone through the process to become paper-ready - they had been designated by the Ethiopian government to be official orphans and their medical testing to this point had shown that they were healthy. They are a three year old boy and a 9 month old girl. Unfortunately, we're not allowed to share pictures or any identifying information at this point. We are required to wait until they go through court and officially become a part of our family. They have an older sibling as well who is six and considered unadoptable by the region they're from as that region only allows children under the age of five to be adopted. At this point, they are leary of children being adopted for "slave labor." The director of AWOP will be meeting with officials from the region and showing them portfolios of several families who have successfully adopted older children and the love they are experiencing in their new homes. Please pray for her and this child as well as all the other children currently in the orphanages in this region - our hearts break for them.

Now, because we've identified the children we want to adopt, we are having to fast track the process. Each agency that we're working with doesn't want to see these children stay in an orphanage any longer than they have to so they're working with us to try to expedite the process. This does not help the governmental agencies however, as they all have their own timeline and agenda! Here's the list of things that have to happen in order for the adoption to be completed:

1) Complete an international home study
2) Obtain home study approval from Children's House International (this is the placement agency licensed in Ethiopia that AWOP utilizes for all the paperwork)
3) Obtain a I-600 from the US department of immigration approving us to adopt internationally
4) Officially receive the referral for the siblings
5) Complete our dossier (this is an intensive set of notarized documents including the home study and I-600 approval that eventually ends up in Ethiopia that they use to approve the adoption of the siblings)
6) Wait for a court date to finalize the adoption - this can take any from 6 - 20 weeks to receive at this point. The courts are somewhat backed up and are moving rather slowly.
7) Pass court (Many people are "failing" court the first, second and third times recently. Ethiopia has recently changed some of the paperwork requirements, which is causing delays. It almost always has nothing to do with the parents. If that happens then a new court date is issued which can be anywhere from 1-8 weeks out.)
8) Receive a travel date - usually 2-4 weeks out
9) Travel to Ethiopia for about a week to pick up our new children! This projected date could be as early as early summer to as late as toward the end of 2009, depending on all the above timelines.

We have now applied to the immigration office and are waiting for their approval (this can take 6+ weeks in our area) and have already completed meetings with the social worker for the home study. She is currently writing up our study and will have it completed this week. It then has to be approved by CHI, our placement agency.

Thankfully, all went well with our social worker. We had so much we had to put together for that process - medical reports, financial statements, reference letters, school reports for the kids, department of justice and FBI clearances, employment verifications, tax returns and certified copies of birth and marriage certificates. Indeed, it can be a bit overwhelming, but I'm glad that they look into each adoptive parents' lives carefully as it is, no doubt, a big responsibility to raise kids. Can you imagine if everyone had to go through this process to have children biologically!? I wonder how many kids there would be...

Because our process is being expedited, it also means that the fees required are also expedited. This doesn't always work out so conveniently! While this can cause some fear, its caused us to go back to the Lord for confirmation that we're moving in the right direction. It's been quite amazing to be lead by Him right now. I honestly can't recall a time when I've heard from Him so loudly or clearly. I think He must know that we need that as we move forward. I'll recount a little bit of how He's being directing us...

A couple of nights after identifying the children, a couple of things happened which caused some misgivings - especially when considering the state of our economy. Honestly, its easy to think that financially, there would be a better time to pursue adoption - why now? There's always a more convenient time to have kids. We had our oldest son one and a half years after we were married at only 23 years old. While we were not very financially stable at that point, I wouldn't trade having him (or the other two for that matter!) at that time for anything. There's also the aspect that if everyone had that attitude, there would be that many more orphans with no homes to go to and then no room in the orphanages to care for those who have no where to go, and so on.

I decided to look at the passage in the Bible in Matthew that talks about God caring for the lilies of the field and how much more He would care for us, to see if there was anything in particular that jumped out at me, as well as to notice if there was something that would show me that God was telling us to wait. As I opened my Bible in the direction of Matthew, it literally fell open to Luke. I try not to play the roulette game every time I open the Word as God directing me, but I couldn't help but look at the passage before I turned the few pages to take me to Matthew. I have to admit that I was a little in shock as I realized I was looking at the companion passage to the one I intended to look up in Matthew. I was reading in the NASB and this is what it said:

Passage Luke 12:27-34:
27"Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; but I tell you, not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these.
28"But if God so clothes the grass in the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, how much more will He clothe you? You men of little faith!
29"And do not seek what you will eat and what you will drink, and do not keep worrying.
30"For all these things the nations of the world eagerly seek; but your Father knows that you need these things.
31"But seek for His kingdom, and these things will be added to you.
32"Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has chosen gladly to give you the kingdom.
33"Sell your possessions and give to charity; make yourselves purses which do not wear out, an unfailing treasure in heaven, where no thief comes near nor moth destroys.
34"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

It was like Jesus was talking directly to me. He was dealing with every fear I was encountering and showing me His response to it. He also lead me this particular passage that not only confirmed the message in Matthew but went a little beyond it as verses 32-34 are not contained in the Matthew version of the story. Here were some of my "aha's" as I read through it:

1) God takes care of us better than we can care for ourselves - no use spinning my wheels worrying as its so easy to do at times.

2) When I worry, I'm admitting that I'm person of "little faith." If there's any characteristic I want to have, its to have a heart reliant on Him and to be found faithful by my Father in heaven.

3) Its natural that the world will worry and stress about storing up treasures here on earth. This is not our responsibility as children of God with a citizenship in heaven. I can relate to this with my own children - I would never never let them go hungry or be without the things they need. One of the things we learned early on from my parents in a parenting class, was that one of the best things we could do for our kids would be to know them really well. As we know them, we understand what they really need and are able to provide them with it. My heavenly father knows me better than anyone ever could - He knows exactly what I need when I need it - I can trust Him explicitly.

4) I could really relate to this version of this verse... "Seek for His kingdom" as this is what I feel we are doing in seeking after these children. It's not just seeking His kingdom but for it. I can't help but remember the verse where Jesus rebuked his disciples as they tried to send away the children who were coming after Jesus. He said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven," Mt. 19:14. He also said in Mt. 18:3"Unless you are converted and become like children, you shall not enter the kingdom of heaven." Clearly, in Jesus' eyes, children are inextricably linked to the kingdom of heaven.

5) Verse 32 has become somewhat of a banner verse for me. I love the phrase "little flock." The picture of us as sheep, utterly dependent on the shepherd and His leading is beautiful. He doesn't just give us the kingdom as we follow Him, He does it gladly. It is His joy to provide for His children and I believe that He will always make a way as we seek to make a home for His children around the globe.

6) As I read this next part, I have to admit that my jaw actually dropped a couple of centimeters as I realized intimately that He not only doesn't want to us to worry about the financial logistics, He asks to take it a step further and give away what we have. I know this is counter-intuitive to the world's perspective that we need to continually put away for retirement and have a secure nest egg. I'm not promoting not doing that, I'm just realizing that this should be the smaller of our concerns in a world filled with hunger and poverty. There is no treasure comparable to the one that resides in heaven as we give out of sacrifice and care about the things that truly matter to God. I am continually humbled that I haven't done more...

7) As I read the final verse, it really seemed to put a special finishing touch on the process God was taking me on. I had mentioned in the previous post that I had been praying to have a heart like God's - to really care about the things that He does. I recognized that as I seek after the things that matter to Him and trust Him for the provision, my heart will be there as well.

God is so good to meet us where we're at and speak to us so intimately.

A couple of days later, I was once again coming before Him, just wanting to make sure that we were hearing Him correctly. I decided to look up the cross reference to the second half of verse 32 in the above passage; the part about "for your Father has chosen gladly to give you the kingdom," in an effort to see what else I could learn about it. I was astounded to see that it took me to Eph. 1:5, which reads, "He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will." How amazing that the verse I took such comfort in (32) related to us being adopted as children by God.

Adoption is God's plan and design. We were not born into His family in the traditional sense, but because we have been adopted as sons and daughters, we now have full rights and an inheritance as His children. As we've moved farther along in this process, I can't help but imagine a little bit of what God must have felt as He made the choice to bring us into His family. The Bible says that adopting us was according to the "kind intention of His will" so clearly, He made a choice versus being obligated. The way was paved through His biological Son who had to make the ultimate sacrifice. We were obtained at a great cost. He knew what this cost would be ahead of time. It was not convenient, and yet, he still chose to go forward, believing that we are worth it... because of His deep love for us.