Bad News/Good News

How to begin... this is the end of a somewhat frantic, at times nail-biting, completely humbling and glorious week. As I consider the "week in review" (to speak the language of a late night talk show, or perhaps more correctly, your favorite cable news channel) I'm a little in awe that so much has happened in 6 days. Of course, that's all it took for God to create the world and everything in it... I guess He can handle the issues in my life :).

How many of you when asked if you'd like to hear the good news or bad news first, choose the good news? Honestly, I never quite understood that, because who wants to end on a sad note? Well, I guess that would be all of you who chose the good news first... Since it's my blog, I get to choose (and if you'd rather have it your way, you can skip a few paragraphs and come back to this at the end) ...

Yesterday, I lost my son. For a total of 42 minutes he was missing. It was an eternity.

Honestly, I thought I was past that whole worrying thing when you go places in your mind as you realize your child is not where he's supposed to be. You know the drill - kidnapping, torture, accident... need I go on? For real, I get sick even thinking about yesterday. But really, he's 13 and able to take care of himself... uh... yeah, right! (We must here take into consideration that upon recently entering the teenage years, he has officialy lost his brain and I'm told, as well as personally experienced with other children close to me that will remain unnamed, that he's not due to get it back until about age 25.)I'm his mom and I believe it's well within my rights and quite possibly, my duty, to worry for him.

It all started at 2:38, when I had finished a rehearsal at school and realized that I had time to make some copies before leaving to pick up C.J.. Upon reaching the studio, I happened to glance up at the clock on the wall and thought maybe I was seeing things. It now said 3:40. I checked with another nearby clock and darn-it-all, it said the same thing. I immediately struggled with the sick lump rising in my throat as I realized that the first clock I looked at in the rehearsal hall couldn't have been right - or could I possibly have read it wrong??

Okay, I know, mom's aren't supposed to do that. Aren't we always aware of exactly what the time is if it involves our children... even in another time zone?!? C.J. normally gets out at 3:15 and we meet on the corner. This is one of my favorite times of day - watching him walk towards the car and finding out how his day was. We don't always get past the "normal" or "boring" response right away, but I love catching up, even on his terms.

I missed that yesterday, and after talking with TrueDad, realized that he didn't get that privilege either as C.J. certainly wasn't with him. As I ran down all the options I could think of and called all the friends I knew of in trying to track him down my panic level began to rise. At this point, we called in the calvary and pulled out all the stops (besides commandeering the police car that passed me by - but I was really close and it was next on my list) in our attempt to find him. My mom & dad, Sissy and I drove in separate cars everywhere we could think of, stopping in his favorite after-school haunts (this is with prior permission, of course), such as Starbucks, Subway and even SavMart. Have you ever tried looking for someone in a grocery store? I've always thought that one could be looking for the other one forever and still never find each other... we circle the aisles moving in opposite directions, always just on the other side of the aisle that the other person's on... Because of that I went in the same store more than once. I also accosted a large group of unsuspecting Jr. Higher's in the parking lot and I'm sure you know how very unapproachable they can try to be. Thankfully, these ones didn't manage to scare me too much, being the former Supermom that I was (I offically lost that status upon not being there for my son at pick-up - never-mind that I lose this status continually for several other reasons only known to other former Supermoms) on a True mission. Unfortunately, even being the all-knowing Jr. Highers that all Jr. Highers are (they're not told about the whole losing-the-brain-issue upon first entering the teenage years), they didn't have a clue where C.J. was either.

The call came at 4:22. It was Sissy saying, "You do know we found C.J., right?" I have to admit that this was said rather casually as they thought that, of course someone would have told me. He had decided to walk home (it's a good couple of miles uphill) after realizing he'd been momentarily abandoned. I had already driven both of the options one could take to get to our home with no luck. I hadn't considered the walking trails, however... Unfortunately for him, he had and ended up getting a little lost. His anxiety upon realizing that he wasn't in our neighborhood receded somewhat as he realized that he was lost in the neighboring retirement community! If you've got to be lost somewhere, that's probably a pretty safe bet... it was here that he was picked up by Sissy.

I immediately rushed straight home, asked Sissy where C.J. was, and went right upstairs to hold him for awhile. It didn't matter that he is 13. We both felt such an immense sense of relief. We just sat close on the couch for a bit and talked it out. We came up with a great plan if, God-forbid, anything were to happen like that again and decided that yes, bringing the cell phone with you to school is a priority! This really was why he had been given a phone - so we could stay in touch with each other as needed (even though he thinks that its to maintain that texting IV to each and every one of his friends throughout the day - LOL).

When the shock first hit that I really didn't know where he was, an overwhelming feeling of love struck as well. I knew that C.J. was irreplaceable. So special in his own right, and nothing could fill the chasm that would be left if anything really were to happen to him. Not Guy or Sissy, or any future children - biological or adopted. There is not another C.J.. I feel this way passionately about each one of my kids.

I was given a true gift yesterday - a glimpse of how God views us, either when we're right next to Him or when we've chosen to go our own way. I am not just one of a number of children that God has. I am His daughter and, in His eyes - irreplaceable. Made in His image, yet with my own idiosyncracies - and He knows each and every one!

How He must feel when, like the prodigal son, we choose to make our own path, deviating off the road and out of His protective care. I know He doesn't rest when one of us leaves His fold, but pulls out all the stops to go searching for His missing one. While He is God and knows where we are, He also knows just how lost we really are when we're not in sync with Him. What lengths He must go to in His attempt to bring us home where He can love us and care for us and enjoy us in all our idiosyncracies.

I wonder how many of us are afraid to come home because we're not too sure of the response we'll get, when what I really imagine He wants to do is throw His arms around us and just be with us?! When the father saw the prodigal son way off in the distance, he didn't sit passively waiting for him to arrive. No, really He didn't. He actually ran to meet him, demonstrating how passionate he was about seeing him. God knows what habits and issues we need to let go of. He knows the right timing to help us confront them. He also knows that it's only in the safety of His arms that we'll be able to face those and release them once and for all.

So, in reality, my bad news is quite good news, after all. My son, who was lost, is now found and my home is once again on its way to being complete.

Now if we could just get our precious Ethiopian babies home...

About that... some more good news...

Our home study was officially approved by our social worker and our placement agency, Children's House International, Friday, Jan. 30th and Tuesday, Feb. 3, respectively. Our home study approves us to adopt 2-3 children under the age of 7. It was then sent off to the U.S. Department of Immigration so they could move forward in approving our I171H - the paperwork stating that the U.S. government considers us to be suitable adoptive parents. We now began the wait to receive our fingerprinting appointment. Yes, once again, we get to be fingerprinted. After all, once, twice, no, three times is just not enough! It seems every agency needs their own reassurance that you didn't just recently rob the neighborhood bank (although some may contemplate it when paying the monies involved for an adoption ;)) or take up flashing, as I wrote about earlier.

We received the official referral of our two siblings waiting in Ethiopia on Wednesday, Feb. 4! This was the same day that AWOP's director was traveling to ET bringing our packages and several others to the kids at the orphanages. This means that she can give them to the kids, tell them that they're from their new family waiting to bring them home, and get pictures of them receiving the gifts and photo albums.

I must admit, it's been rather comical to look at the completely blank looks on my family and friend's faces when I tell them excitedly that we got the referral. I know they're thinking... "and so?" Or perhaps, "Referred you for what?!" A referral, in the world of adoption, is an official assignment that will go to the Ethiopian government, upon our acceptance (since we have to have it notarized, we're doing that Monday) signaling that these precious two orphans have been assigned and chosen to be adopted by the True family. In the world of adoption, getting a referral is a HUGE thing. Adoptive parents can sometimes wait several months to years to receive a referral of a particular child. It's not because there are a lack of orphans by any means, but a whole host of other factors slowing down the adoption pipeline. Consider the fact that there are only so many spots in any one orphanage and as the paperwork has typically been taking longer to get an Ethiopian adoption completed, there are less spots for new orphans to enter the orphanage. That's only one reason of many as to why people might have to wait for a referral. This does not hold true, however for a child already waiting in an orphanage, as ours were, without a family to claim them and call them their own.

Have I mentioned yet that getting the mail around our house these days is something I look forward to like a kid looks forward to Christmas? Okay, maybe not Christmas, but definitely a school holiday. Christmas will be passing our court date... What new form, letter, approval will I get that I've been anxiously waiting for? Today, it was our fingerprinting appointment letter! Our appointment is set for Valentine's Day (this might just be TrueDad's and my big date although we'll be sharing it with Guy, since he's over 18 and must be fingerprinted, yet again, as well) early in the morning. They kind of make it sound like you can come on a different day at the same time and not have it be a problem. We're going to try this coming Tuesday morning...

We also found out this week that the orphanage the kids are at is moving into the city. This will be a huge move for all involved. The good news is that with the famine, it's been increasingly difficult to get adequate food and supplies into their current orphanage, several hours outside of the city. The facility they're moving to looks quite nice by ET standards and should be a much better situation.

Please pray for our beautiful babies during this transition. There are a couple of concerns I'm not free to talk about, but God knows what they are and we've experienced firsthand the amazing ways He moves when His people pray!

And now to close (I know... finally...) I admit, it's becoming harder and harder to keep an emotional arm's distance from these little, innocent ones. With the referral, we received another picture of each of them when they were first brought in to the orphanage. I can't begin to tell you how their eyes pierce right through me, melting my heart, calling up my protective instincts as God prepares me to be their mother. They're not ours until we pass court and yes, something could happen so that they don't become ours. But I find that I can't dwell in that alternate reality.

God is preparing our entire family to bring these babies into our fold. Now that we've chosen them, we have officially begun fighting for them and won't stop until that privilege is taken away. After all, if not us, who? Who will fight for these children? Who will wipe away their tears, show them how to tie their shoelaces, pray with them at night and hold them when they may feel lost and never let go? Lord, let it be me...